Rate the joke above
- Thread starter Ollie
- Start date
themepark_sonic
Roller Poster
Don't get it! 0/10
themepark_sonic
Roller Poster
Boring 0/10
One day two nuns are in a car. As they stop at the traffic lights, there car gets vandalised buy chavs. The nun in the passenger seat says "What shall we do sister." The nun in the Diver set replies "Pray to God."
At the next traffic lights, the same thing happen. The nun in the passenger seat says "What shall we do sister." This time she says "Shpw your cross." So she gets out of the car and shouts to the chavs "What the bloody hell do you think your doing."
One day two nuns are in a car. As they stop at the traffic lights, there car gets vandalised buy chavs. The nun in the passenger seat says "What shall we do sister." The nun in the Diver set replies "Pray to God."
At the next traffic lights, the same thing happen. The nun in the passenger seat says "What shall we do sister." This time she says "Shpw your cross." So she gets out of the car and shouts to the chavs "What the bloody hell do you think your doing."
Slacky
Mega Poster
1/10
One day a little Native American boy runs up to his dad and asks ''where do we get our names from''. his dad said '' well son, when you're born and we take you out of the teepee, the first thing we see is what we call you''. ''Is that why my sister is called little cloud, because the first thing you was a little cloud'' asked the boy. ''yes'' said his dad. ''And why my brother is called grizzerly bear, because you saw a grizzerly bear'' asked the boy. his dad said ''so why do you want to know Two Dogs F***king''
One day a little Native American boy runs up to his dad and asks ''where do we get our names from''. his dad said '' well son, when you're born and we take you out of the teepee, the first thing we see is what we call you''. ''Is that why my sister is called little cloud, because the first thing you was a little cloud'' asked the boy. ''yes'' said his dad. ''And why my brother is called grizzerly bear, because you saw a grizzerly bear'' asked the boy. his dad said ''so why do you want to know Two Dogs F***king''
themepark_sonic
Roller Poster
God some one post a good joke please!
After years of flirting a man and a woman in an old peoples home agree to have sex. Impatient for his first bit of action in decades the old man decides to go down on the old woman. After a few seconds however he comes back up and says "Sorry love, but the smell is just too bad" "Oh dear" she says, "It must be my arthritis". "Arthritis in the vagina?" The old man asks in amazement. "Are you sure? And surely arthritis doesn't smell?" "No darling" says the old woman; "The arthritis is in my shoulder. I can't wipe my arse".
L-O-L!
9/10
The Lone Ranger and Tonto were camping out one night. Tonto, after having a very bad dream, woke up to see the stars up above him. He woke the Lone Ranger and said to him, "What you think?"
The Lone Ranger replies reassuringly, "Well, Tonto, it's like this, God gives us miracles in life. Each day is a new beginning, just like every night there's a new star in the sky. What do you think?"
Tonto looks at him, confused and says, "Tonto think someone stole tent."
9/10
The Lone Ranger and Tonto were camping out one night. Tonto, after having a very bad dream, woke up to see the stars up above him. He woke the Lone Ranger and said to him, "What you think?"
The Lone Ranger replies reassuringly, "Well, Tonto, it's like this, God gives us miracles in life. Each day is a new beginning, just like every night there's a new star in the sky. What do you think?"
Tonto looks at him, confused and says, "Tonto think someone stole tent."
I think that's the only joke in this Topic which I don't get and thought was unfunny. :?
Three nuns die and end up at the gates of Heaven. St. Peter says that before they can enter, they must first each answer a question. To the first he asks " who were the first humans?" She says "Adam and Eve" and he lets her in. To the second he asks "where did they live?" She says "In the garden of Eden" and she too is admitted. Then he asks the third, "what was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" She replies "Oooooh, that's a hard one", and Peter said, "Yep, you're in!"
Three nuns die and end up at the gates of Heaven. St. Peter says that before they can enter, they must first each answer a question. To the first he asks " who were the first humans?" She says "Adam and Eve" and he lets her in. To the second he asks "where did they live?" She says "In the garden of Eden" and she too is admitted. Then he asks the third, "what was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" She replies "Oooooh, that's a hard one", and Peter said, "Yep, you're in!"
LiveForTheLaunch
CF Legend
10/10! Bravo, bravo! Has to be the best joke ever. Bastard.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side :lol: .
That's a real side splitter right there, don't deny it.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side :lol: .
That's a real side splitter right there, don't deny it.
1/10
The inventor of the Harley-Davidson Motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died
and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur,
"Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world,
your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven."
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out
with God."
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who
invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle?"
Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me...."
God commented: "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's
pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"
Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse me, but
aren't you the inventor of woman?"
God said, " Ah, yes."
"Well ," said Arthur, "professional to
professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds
3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble too much
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!
"Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,"
replied God, "hold on."
God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few
words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a
slip of paper and God read it.
"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God
said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my
invention than yours."
The inventor of the Harley-Davidson Motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died
and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur,
"Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world,
your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven."
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out
with God."
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who
invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle?"
Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me...."
God commented: "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's
pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"
Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse me, but
aren't you the inventor of woman?"
God said, " Ah, yes."
"Well ," said Arthur, "professional to
professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds
3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble too much
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!
"Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,"
replied God, "hold on."
God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few
words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a
slip of paper and God read it.
"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God
said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my
invention than yours."
Slacky
Mega Poster
5/10
Best One I read So Far
One day, Superman was flying over New York and on one the skyscraper's, he saw WonderWoman lying stark naked.
So in the blink of a eye, Superman goes down and gives her one.
This was so quick that Wonderwoman said ''What the Hell was that''
And the Invisible Man said ''I don't know but it bloody hurt my back''
Best One I read So Far
One day, Superman was flying over New York and on one the skyscraper's, he saw WonderWoman lying stark naked.
So in the blink of a eye, Superman goes down and gives her one.
This was so quick that Wonderwoman said ''What the Hell was that''
And the Invisible Man said ''I don't know but it bloody hurt my back''
Nemesis Inferno
Strata Poster
Interesting one, 6 or 7 for that one...
Bloke goes into a bar with an ostrich and a cat. He orders a lager for him and the ostrich, whilst the cat gets a glass of water...
This continues over several nights, till the barman asks, 'Excuse me, but why have you been coming here with an ostrich and only-water-drinking cat?'
The bloke replies, 'Well t'other day I found a lamp with a genie inside, and he gave me the usual 3 wishes, so I got the money and fame bit first...'
Barman replies ' But why an ostrich and cat?'
To which the bloke says 'Well my last wish was for a bird with long legs and a tight pussy...'
Bloke goes into a bar with an ostrich and a cat. He orders a lager for him and the ostrich, whilst the cat gets a glass of water...
This continues over several nights, till the barman asks, 'Excuse me, but why have you been coming here with an ostrich and only-water-drinking cat?'
The bloke replies, 'Well t'other day I found a lamp with a genie inside, and he gave me the usual 3 wishes, so I got the money and fame bit first...'
Barman replies ' But why an ostrich and cat?'
To which the bloke says 'Well my last wish was for a bird with long legs and a tight pussy...'
Ollie
CF Legend
5/10 heard it before.
An army officer takes his squad to an island.
"Right Men!!" He barks "You have all completed your training, and this is your test.You have to all spend two weeks on this island, using the skills you've learned to survive. Don't worry, there arnt any dangerous animal on this island except for the black and yellow snake, If you see this take extreme caution! To rid of it stand behind it and put your left hand over right hand then SNAP IT!!!"
The men go off into the forest.
Two weeks later the officer returns and greets his men. "Well done" he says. He counts his men. "Wheres Gibsons?" Asks the officer.
"He dissapered sir" says a recruit.
"Well we shall return in two days and if he isnt back then we shall send a search party"
Two days later they return and Gibson isnt there. Just then screaming is heard and Gibson runs out onto the beach. He is covered in blood and his clothes are torn.
"Where have you been Gibson?" Asks the officer.
"Well sir Its that snak, the black and yellow one I saw it in a bush."
"And what did you do?"
"I did what you told me to do sir, I put my right hand over my left hand and snaped it."
"Then what happened?"
"Then the bloody Tiger turned round and bit me!"
An army officer takes his squad to an island.
"Right Men!!" He barks "You have all completed your training, and this is your test.You have to all spend two weeks on this island, using the skills you've learned to survive. Don't worry, there arnt any dangerous animal on this island except for the black and yellow snake, If you see this take extreme caution! To rid of it stand behind it and put your left hand over right hand then SNAP IT!!!"
The men go off into the forest.
Two weeks later the officer returns and greets his men. "Well done" he says. He counts his men. "Wheres Gibsons?" Asks the officer.
"He dissapered sir" says a recruit.
"Well we shall return in two days and if he isnt back then we shall send a search party"
Two days later they return and Gibson isnt there. Just then screaming is heard and Gibson runs out onto the beach. He is covered in blood and his clothes are torn.
"Where have you been Gibson?" Asks the officer.
"Well sir Its that snak, the black and yellow one I saw it in a bush."
"And what did you do?"
"I did what you told me to do sir, I put my right hand over my left hand and snaped it."
"Then what happened?"
"Then the bloody Tiger turned round and bit me!"