Alright, but don't say I didn't warn you
I was surprised by the quality of European dark rides based on Santa Claus. My favorite one was
Night Before Christmas at Sundown Adventureland, which utilized its trackless technology surprisingly well. I'm unaware just how well known this one is. I do know it's in England and a part of a larger park. But the park doesn't let any adults in without children, which makes it seemingly more elusive. I'll provide a POV if anyone's interested. Your other option is a much more typical dark ride approach with
Magic Train at SantaPark. It doesn't necessarily have anything too surprising, but it has just about everything you could want in a dark ride about Santa Claus.
I'm not entirely sure how I feel about
Swiss Chocolate Adventure at Swiss Museum of Transport. It is very much in the vein of the early EPCOT dark rides: that is an edutainment advertisement (in this case for Lindt truffles). Using EPCOT metaphors here, I'd say that what Hershey's Chocolate World is to Journey into Imagination, Swiss Chocolate Adventure is to Universe of Energy. And of course Cadabra is the red-headed stepchild that is Gran Fiesta Tour. The Swiss ride uses its trackless technology in a way I've never seen. It uses curved setpieces that move in order to change the direction of the vehicle without the riders explicitly noticing (if that doesn't make any sense, watch the POV you'll understand what I mean). I just wish it had a bit more life to it outside its two main show scenes. However, it does end with notably: inside a giant chocolate box with a big tube jutting out of the wall that dumps out two handfuls of Lindt chocolate truffles. If that doesn't get you salivating like Homer Simpsons, I don't know what will!
Perhaps the strangest dark ride I found (which is saying a lot) would be
Vi på Saltkråkan, the Sally dark ride built in 2007 and based on the 1964 Swedish TV series of the same name. I sadly couldn't find an onride POV, but the Sally promotional video shows a good amount of footage.
The last one in Europe worth mentioning is at Madame Tussauds in London:
Spirit of London. I really don't have much to say on this one. It is rather impressive considering its placement in a wax museum.
One of the first things I learned from this odd endeavor is that America's dark rides are, on average, very dull. Sure, Disney and Universal have their mega expensive options, but, outside those parks, it's slim pickings. Sally Ghost Blaster variants and generic haunted houses make up a large chunk of the entire country's dark rides. There are some notable exceptions to this rule (like the insanely creative Kaleidoscope or my bizarre, beloved Monster Mansion), but it's a lot of the same. However, there are a few notable oddities outside the parks.
One of those is the impressive
Haunted Mansion at Funland Reheboth. It's easily one of the best of this ride type: with both impressive set dressing and a surprisingly long length. It is also distinctive in that it is one of the few beachside haunted houses to feature suspended cars. I especially love its outdoor sections, bringing you back to the boardwalk setting just long enough to throw you off. Oh ya and (spoilers) a skeleton tries to pee on you.
But if you want the
real stuff when it comes to weird dark rides in America, you truly cannot beat a visit to Pigeon Forge. Their most infamous star is
Jurassic Jungle Boat Ride, but I'd argue the true masterpiece is down the road in Gatlinburg with
Earthquake the Ride. The former is for anybody who loves slow moving boat rides full of slowly melting giant animatronic dinosaurs (so I'm guessing, everyone?). The latter is for people who want to simulate a typical day on the NYC subway. On one side of the platform, an employee break area with your typical lockers, paintings, mannequin draped over a bench, bucket of acid. On the other side, a gorilla in a wooden cage with a big hole in who is trying to get out, but you keep asking why he can't get out since there's a giant hole in the cage. Once the subway gets going down the track, as usual, it has to stop because the alligators have clogged up the sewer pipes. Then the roof caves in and a bunch of rats fall down the walls, so you gotta back up into the platform again. You check your phone and you can't believe how late for work you are. Then, to make matters worse, that gorilla realized there was a giant hole in the cage and just kinda pushed it open. Now he's running about, and another roof has collapsed causing even more rats to fall down. Finally, you arrive at the station where two more completely different gorillas awkwardly stare at you from the window. You get off the subway and realize you're back at the same station.
This is all of course a big joke. The NYC subway is nothing like that. Well, except for the rats. And the roofs collapsing. And the clogged sewer pipes. And that mannequin who is the only other person in the car with you and seems to be staring directly at you and when you look around to see if anyone left behind a mannequin you look back and could just swear the mannequin has moved two seats closer to you. But that's
all they got right. Well, except for that time with the Gorilla
I considered including
Laffland at Sylvan Beach Amusement Park for being one of the best maintained classic pretzel dark rides. But, I'll be honest. I'm gonna skip all that and just encourage you to visit their website for the single best song made for a park I've ever heard. If you thinking, "how do I find this said song?" Well, simply visit their site and it will play on an endless loop!!
Sylvan Beach Amusement Park. For real, go listen to it. I'll wait...
I want to end this run of eponymous dark rides with the most heartwarming of the bunch, and that's those homemade dark rides!! In my search for dark rides on YouTube, I happened upon a few people who built dark rides on their own. Now, without much money or resources, they may not match the average dark ride in length or special effects but they more than make up for it with pure heart and charisma.
This one is probably the most impressive, providing a longer and more fleshed out experience than you'd find at most regional parks.
This one isn't the longest or best, but the man who built this is just so in love with the art of the dark ride. He speaks on it with such passion that you can't help but love every detail of the ridethrough after he's explained it.
Here's the oddest one, and one with no concern for copyright to be sure!! It's amazing just how much this guy put into his dark ride. It's got notable show scenes that, despite having completely different atmospheres, flow together beautifully. Plus, I can't think of any other dark ride that features an impersonation of Kermit the Frog, so a 10/10 in my book.
And that is it for me!! I may expunge upon certain opinions later, but I'm dark rided out for now. If I find any more interesting dark rides in my internet deep dives, I'll let you all know.
