China #2 (Beijing to Shanghai) - Part 12: Century Park

[HeartlineCoaster]

I promise my next report will be somewhat more obscure.

As promised.
Except this bit.

Day 0 - Wiener Prater

'Just happened' to have an 8 hour stop in Vienna on the way out. Due to its location and lack of anything particularly interesting, Prater was never a place I wanted to make a dedicated trip to. This was the perfect opportunity to pop in and tick that box.

Straight on to the first ride of the day, some sketchy bloke with a sketchy mouse. Must have done at least 10 of these this year, unfortunately.
Got a decent spin, nothing life changing.

This was quite mighty for a Pinfari, but didn't do much with it.
The op was a d*ck to some Chinese tourists that decided to join me for the lap. It's a sign.

Spent a good chunk of time after that wandering around and stumbling upon everything else, just to find it all closed. It was early in the day and the other rides don't seem to have the same hustle as the first 2.
It's quite easy to accidentally walk out of the park and end up in some slums in several directions.
That combined with several 'staff' that were mooching around their rides and being either less than useless or downright rude with my requests for information and the whole place really started to grind me down very quickly.

Next thing to become available. The op was a d*ck and pushed the restraint down as I was half in, trapping me in the middle of the 2 seats. Physics dictates that the middle is not a good place to be seated when these things get vicious, resulting in an awful ride.

I'd been told to go away earlier as he was busy sweeping, but now the man was sitting in his ticket window. He followed me up the stairs to run the ride, then disappeared as soon as it dispatched. I want to say that's cool, but it didn't feel like it in this instance.

Was reasonably interested in trying this one. The weird 'dark ride' bit with the mirrors and then "OMG! elevator lift" got me a little more interested. Then it did f*ck all. I'm having more fun on my spinny chair while writing this than it is possible to have on this ride.

Zug des Manitu was the best thing so far, even if just for the name. Starting off backwards for half the layout caught me off guard, then it turns into quite a violent little thing, particularly in that tunnel.

The brakeman woodie was a pathetic excuse for a ride, so much that it looks like I didn't bother to take a picture. I didn't work where out the brakeman was going to sit as it was such an awkward experience to even present yourself as a customer, so I ended up with the miserable bloke breathing down my neck and regretting his life throughout the ride.
Why are these things allowed to exist alongside the mighty Tivoli?

I've also lost count of the crap now. There's a Maurer spinner thing isn't there. Only remember powering through a mirror maze and some lasers to get on an uneventful disco ride. Assume it's a standard model by how much I didn't enjoy it.

At last, a ride that brought a smile to my face.

Quite a ridiculous little thing. The positive forces it produces are so sustained it was taking the air from my lungs.
The only thing I was tempted to reride, but thought it was probably better leaving it with that single memory.

Only a few things left to do, various walk-bys had taught me that the Boomerang was still dormant. Decided to get the Volare out of the way.

Had a ton of room behind me on this one. I seem to remember getting reasonably clamped by the back restraint in the past so it took me a little while to work out that some more tactical endurance was required in the inversions this time.
Still don't get the hate, they're a very long way from the worst thing ever. Knowing I'll have to ride more doesn't concern or offend me.

Went for some food to kill time, Boomerang still spiting. It's sad to think it was one of the main things I wanted there and that missing it would even bother me.

Did the non-fancy ferris wheel to kill some more time, my logic was that it didn't have windows and would provide better pictures.

That and you get to at least look at the old timey one.

Saw the boomerang testing while I was on the wheel, so headed straight back over there.
After asking a few people in the area when it was going to open and either getting grunts or a face that said 'f*ck off' as a response, I sat on a bench for an hour.
Eventually an old man and woman rocked up on a bike and told me 20 minutes. Cheers.

Restraints make such a huge difference to ride experience, this is another great example. It rides well and you actually feel something other than survival in the inversions. Makes me wonder if these things weren't so scummy throughout the industry and this was the only one, would it be considered a good ride?
Probably not.

Having earlier written off that other child ride as a no, unless they let me ride the cars as skates, there was one more thing on the list.

(The race car thing on the right. I just felt more comfortable taking a picture of the fountain).
I'd been told to go away earlier as they were busy counting money, but it was now delighting a couple of kids. I waited for my turn and got 9 too many laps.

Regarding my price question in the planning section, total cost of the coasters and the cheaper ferris wheel came to 50 Euros, so @Mysterious Sue wins that little game.
No, I didn't do any ghost trains. If they didn't cost more than the creds I might have tried one for a laugh, but I don't really feel I would have enjoyed them in the sh*t mood this park put me in.
Black Mamba is just a whole dose of no.

Mission complete. Now bring on the good stuff.

 

[HeartlineCoaster]

Day 1 - Big Wall

Suppose it would be rude not to pay this thing a visit. Getting there under your own steam is surprisingly easy, even though all the tour sites would have you believe it's impossible and you should pay 200 pounds a head for a personal driver.

How do we get up the top? By cred of course.

So it's only about 8am at this stage and I could already feel myself burning alive. Turns out it was going to be 1000 degrees for most of this trip. Views were nice though.

Back down we go. All that green sheltering really f*cks with your eyes.

On to more important things.

Beijing Spitingshan Amusement Park

This place has become a graveyard of rides. Most of what I expected wasn't even there. It was one of the busiest parks of the trip, so not sure what the deal is.

Is this that knock off disney place that caused a fuss years ago? I forget.
All I know is they play a lot of Rollercoaster Tycoon - maps cost 20p in this park.

Started out with a quality mine train. They should be proud of this one.

Highlight: It actually still exists
Lowlight: Huge deadly hornet looking things tried to stop me getting it

Looping thing was fine. Everyone else in the train doing that weird bowing their head cant handle this ride thing while I'm just thinking 'good little sit down'.
That baby is blatantly thinking 'one day'.

Highlight: It actually still exists
Lowlight: The plague of offensively elaborate seatbelts on rides returns to my life.

SLC still stands but was broken. Disappointed, the fact it's a prototype makes me want it so much more. That and the sign says it's world class.

Found what I had labelled on my paperwork as 'rabbit with a gun shooting dark ride'. Same ride system as the Everland shooter? That probably doesn't help.
Was actually not too bad for this park, had a bit of length to it and was reasonable fun. I got the highest score in Asia as always.

The theme was space.

That was the park. Everything else was apparently missing in action.
For a laugh we asked someone in the ticket booth directly underneath where a spinning coaster used to stand where said coaster had gone. They said it was the other side of the looper. It wasn't.
Half the supports still remain above their head.

That was all rather uneventful, so went to queue with 1000 people sweating profusely to get through security gates and see this thing.

Pretty much this x10.

Quaint. Fortunately can't tell the fact that Taron queueline levels of chainsmoking was going on behind me.
Stupid tourist things.

Seriously, bring on the good stuff.

 

[HeartlineCoaster]

Day 2 - Happy Valley Beijing

Yeah. That stuff.

As is often the case in this country, had a minor breakdown upon entering the park upon being told Extreme Rusher was broken. A quick walk-by showed there was a train on the launch track and engineers were doing something to it. There was hope.

Headed over to Crystal Wings in the meantime.

Well this was alright at best. Visually very impressive.
Starts off well with the pretzel. Pretzel is good. And now we're turning... and we're... turning some more.
Corner after corner and I find myself willing it to do something else. Oh good an inline? Brakes. Gave it a second go in the back just to be sure.
Guess you just can't compete now Flying Dinosaur is on the scene.
Highlight: The start
Lowlight: The rest

Became reacquainted with the Vekoma Mine Train. Jungle Racing without the racing.
Highlight: Nicely themed.
Lowlight: Only about 10 more of these to come.

Have to give a special mention to the visuals in this place.

Troy!

Spent a good while milling around, waiting for the SLC that had a later opening time.

Did the haunted walkthrough as they're usually a laugh. This one was f*cking awful with 90% of the effects and lighting broken and a constant announcement being played over the speakers instead of ambient spooky stuff.
Wait...

The thunderous boom of air being vented echoes across the park. Oh, that noise is so good. You fixed it boys.

Already have much love for Bullet so was particularly looking forward to trying this one. It didn't disappoint.
For Happy Valley they were hauling arse on operations. A significant amount of people (for this trip) had also rushed into the queue, but despatches were every 4 or 5 minutes over Shenzhen's 20 minutes. Still wanted to do the exercises before you board though.
To be fair the locals probably need it. Such an intense experience from start to finish. Sitting on the launch still puts the fear back in me, which is rare these days.
Great mix of extremes throughout - some of the best acceleration money can buy, crushing twists and turns, crazy and weird air time and a brutal snap into the brakes that you really have to defend yourself against.

That wonky hill at the end is fantastic.
Made me seriously question whether it's the better of the 2 layouts. We'll soon see.
Highlight: All of it
Lowlight: Cred anxiety

Well this thing is finally open. Completely zoned it out and didn't even notice the bonus helix. It did that same weird forward and back pumping motion i've felt on a few recently, but SLCs haven't given me any grief for a few years now.
Highlight: Good views on the lift
Lowlight: Queue was a good 5 mile walk. Far too much effort.

Jumped on the flying island thing for some more good views.

Queues dwindled quickly on ER so rode it until satisfied before heading out.

This lurks just across the road. Don't want to be reminded of home just yet.

Sun Park

Figured we still had time for a quick stop off here.

Started off a bit confused, but eventually figured out it was a Chinese Prater. There were several women hanging around brandishing leaflets of the rides they could sell you as well as deals for multiple stuff. None of the leaflets contained any creds so they were politely declined.
The trick is to find the nearest ticket huts to each ride you want and hope:
a) There is someone in it (usually watching Naruto on their phone)
b) They have creds on their sign
c) They aren't doing 'maintenance'

There's one.

That baby may have been stolen, but is also thinking 'one day'.
At last something properly sketchy to try out. The way this thing rocked back and forth at a 45 degree angle to the track while going up the lift created a fair amount of trepidation. Once it got going it was surprisingly fine. Just doesn't handle well at slow speeds it seems.
Highlight: A proper cultural experience
Lowlight: I think I wanted it to be worse

Things got a bit hectic after that. Although the 'amusements' were meant to be open until 17:30, ticket sales stopped at 16:00... It was now 15:50. Time to sprint around and try and catch as much as possible. It was very tempting to hijack someone's golf kart to help with this.

The motorbike, the rainbow children coaster, the mine train and the jungle mouse were all down for 'maintenance'.

Managed to catch the Golden Horse spinner
Highlight: +1
Lowlight: Almost came to a standstill on all the final blocks. No time for that.

The Beijing Jiuhua Amusement Rides Manufacturing Co., Ltd. spinner
Highlight: +1
Lowlight: They kept trying to get me on things that weren't creds. No time for that.

The powered thing
Highlight: +1
Lowlight: Too many laps. No time for that.

And finally the Zhongshan Jinbo Recreation Equipment Co. spinner. Best ride in the park.
Highlight: The op excitedly shouts WE'VE GOT CUSTOMERS and two of the nearby staff girls decided to join us for a ride.
Lowlight: They're onto us. Apparently westerners love this thing.

What have we become.

 

[Hixee]

I need one of those S&S monstrosities in my life. They look brilliant!

Crystal Wing may be a disappointing coaster, but I've always loved the theming!

 

[HeartlineCoaster]

^ More than one ideally. You're spoilt for choice now.
Just as I complete the set, they finish off that new one...

Day 4 - Happy Valley Tianjin

I believe this was the hottest day of the trip. The bus to the park couldn't make up it's mind whether it was 38 or 54 degrees. Then it broke down and we got abandoned at the side of the road for 20 minutes.

Could be worse.

Mercifully half the park is indoors, so there were at least moments I could save myself from bursting into flames.

Started strong with this thing.

Then couldn't wait any longer for this thing.

Well this was f*cking brilliant. A near perfect amount of being thrown about in every direction. Not too rough, just violent enough to give you plenty to think about. Exactly how I like it.

I didn't look into any of the woodies on this trip in any detail, so didn't know any of the layouts or their key features. This one definitely exceeded my expectations and is just full of both straight hills and twisty hills of all shapes and sizes that deliver a lot of fun.

Woodies and locals anecdote 1: After the first ride, a man ever so casually walks up to the staff and asks where there is a bin. She points behind and he ever so casually wanders over to it and proceeds to throw up into it. It certainly kicked his arse.

Disappointed that this was closed. I wanted it to be better than Mystery Castle.

Did the haunted walkthrough next to it instead and it was a vast improvement over the Beijing shambles. Back in business with the classic humour and not particularly scary-ness.

4D screens dark ride with Santa getting up to all sorts of mischief is pretty good, as long as you notice the 3D is screwed and take your glasses off again.

Back inside for a bit.

Ex-spite-dition of Volcano.

My reaction.

I've lived through the Joyland Skyloop, so this is nothing in comparison, but I feel like the tale should to be shared.

They were running their El Loco with 3 cars. The station platform has space for onload and offload of 3 cars, but they are only able to onload and offload the front 2 cars.
If you are in the 2nd car that gets despatched you end up sitting in the ride, in the station, having completed your circuit, for the entirety of the following sequence:
Car 1 offloads people at the front of the station. These people clamber out and gather their belongings in the usual faffy fashion.
Car 2 offloads people at the front of the station. These people clamber out and gather their belongings in the usual faffy fashion.
As with most of China, you are prevented from leaving the station area until a check has been made by the staff that everyone is out of their train and has taken their items, which often ends in an awkward encounter if you're out of the train in 5 seconds like a normal person and are left standing and staring at the staff for at least a minute waiting to leave.
8 people leave.
Open the gate for 4 people. Let them clamber across the 1st car, sort out their loose items, sit down, seatbelt on, seatbelt check, restraint down and restraint check.
Open the gate for 4 more people. Let them clamber across the 2nd car, sort out their loose items, sit down, seatbelt on, seatbelt check, restraint down and restraint check.
Dispatch 2 cars. Car 1 takes the circuit straight away, car 2 stops just outside the station until car 1 has cleared the first block of the layout.
Once car 2 pulls away, car 3 which has been sitting in the station with people in it this whole time can move to the front of the station and offload.

Of course I was the 2nd car to be despatched.
Fortunately it's just a lap bar and not the Slammer/Mumbo restraints so it was comfortable to sit stuck for a good 10 minutes.
Obviously the restraints also made the ride a bit better than I'm used to and it was exceptionally smooth, so pretty good overall.

Mario has got the El Loco cred.

Some other shooting dark ride I wanted (Bavarian Animal Rescue?) was also closed today. Headed back outside for a few more laps on Fjord instead.

Plucked up the courage to give the final go a hands up. One of those rides where you really don't feel you should and then get somewhat tenderised by various parts of the train and lap bar as a result. In a good way.

The viking area is rather nice.

Quite a nice park overall really, just the amount of closures of secondary rides meant there was little else to fill the day with other than sitting in the comfy woodie train, waiting for customers.
Would be good to see this one get an expansion to the coaster lineup like some of the other Happy Valleys are going through. Hopefully it can get some better transport links to keep up with the others as well.

Satisfied, went back to the station for a look around.

Tianjin has a rather posh appearance in the middle. Not so much as you head outwards.

U-spited Roller Coaster and an SLC from the train window on the way back.

Add that to the seen but never been topic.

 

[Gavin]

I was at Happy Valley Tianjin just 3 days ago and found it exactly as you described it. Mine Train down, tower down, f**ked 3D screens on the Santa ride.

The one difference is that I though the Haunted House was w@nk, so much of it was f**cked. Non-spinning spinning tunnel, non-vibrating vibrating walkways, lights and animatronics knackered.

The whole place feels like it's falling apart. I despised it.

 

[HeartlineCoaster]

^Oh it was a masterpiece compared to the state Beijing's was in. They're all sh*t, it just amuses me.

Day 5 – Oriental Heritage Jinan

After Ningbo was one of the worst things ever, it was time to make my peace with this franchise.

Decided to clear the air straight away and actually get on a Jungle Trailblazer.

I didn’t love this as much as the previous day’s offering, but it’s still a very good ride. My favourite part was the series of tiny hills straight out of the corkscrew that just keep on delivering.

Stuff like the inversion and the overbank didn’t really add anything to the experience for me.
Being picky, it felt a bit more clinical and wasn’t as well paced as I would have liked.

Woodies and locals anecdote 2: Upon my first arrival at the station, the train was just pulling in with 2 blokes on it. One of them had been sick mid ride. It certainly kicked his arse.

The creds are all next to each other in this park which would help if you’re in a hurry. I sort of was, but that would change later.

Oh good, the next mine train clone of the trip. Either I zoned out my previous Night Rescue while in a bad mood, or this one had more theming towards the end including a screen with a big demon face. We still didn’t catch what it was about. Tunnels of thorny trees, more screams of the damned, it makes it quite interesting. Just cheap hardware.

Oh good, the next Boomerang of the trip. Vests seemed more shoulder crushing than usual to me, perhaps adjusted to Asian sizes? Ride was fine.

The new to me dark ride I knew I needed here was Devil’s Peak. It’s the Harry Potter arm system, but all slowed down a good 10x so there’s no ridiculous rushing through an incoherent amount of scenes, but it feels a lot more awkward in the movements.
It has more of an actual story, being about the Monkey King scaling a big mountain, fighting that golden dragon and a big ass lava bloke (part of Journey to the West).
I want to say it’s better, but I’m not convinced yet. There’s also a cheapness to some of the physical sets and moments like “those skeletons in cloaks we just bounced past look a little too familiar”. But that’s not to say there isn’t a cheapness to Universal’s lack of story and bad animations of Potter waving on a broom. I’m torn.

Gave Bridge to Love a go on the way round as it was starting the very second we got to it. This story is the the Cowherd and the Weaver Girl – exaggerated for visual effect.
Takes place in a moving theatre with screens round the walls and on the ceiling. I quite liked it, mostly for the fact that it’s a relaxing sit down.

I had provisionally factored in rushing this park and heading over to Quancheng in the afternoon so at this point headed over to guest services for a second opinion. The lovely lady there did some research herself and concluded it was either triple bus faff or a taxi, the taxi being strongly not recommended personally by her, as apparently they’re all dicks between the two parks.

Grabbed a bite to eat and mulled it over, deciding not to bother in the end due to a combination of possible struggles to get back again from there and the fact I’d temporarily put myself off of cred runs over the last few days.
Rather just spend a relaxing day at a decent park.

So.

I liked Legend of Nuwa before. Gave it another go. Seem to recall the 3D on this being some of the most striking I’d seen in a long time, but it didn’t stand out on this occasion. Still an impressive Spiderman style ride. Glad to help the magic woman with the whip any time.

The indoor queue areas in these parks are ridiculously elaborate in both theming and length. Sometimes it seems like there should be a preshow or something, but it all gets skipped.

Busy day.

Queue boards go up to 4 hours. F*ck that.
This was outside the rapids, which despite having a fancy name and description on the map is unthemed and a total waste of time, not sure why the standards slipped there.

More? Why not.

Finally coming round to the feel of these places. When it’s quiet and it looks this good, it’s hard not to.

Just pumping out fog for the aesthetic.

Fun fact: It’s actually Jungle Flying Dragon in Chinese, rather than Trailblazer. They do love their dragons.

The history of China. Skip.
Much prefer the legends and fairytales.

Hanging around also meant we could catch this once a day show.

Some clever stuff going on with various set pieces like these doors and some bricks on wires.
The story is a confusing blend of the original and a ‘modern day’ Legend of Lady Meng Jiang. Her husband is forced into slave building the great wall, then dies and then her tears make the wall fall down. But then he wasn’t dead in the modern half. Or it was symbolic. Or something.

There’s people in that hedge. They all waved.

It grew on a me a little over the course of the day. Seemed to get a little less rattly during the bits when it wasn’t doing much, as it ‘warmed up’.

Alright Fantawild, you’re forgiven for now. When your sh*t is actually running and the park isn’t full of undesirables, it is possible to have a great day at a park like this.

Let’s see how quickly you can wear me down.

 

[HeartlineCoaster]

Quite quickly.
A day of infinite impracticalities. Luggage was in tow here due to train spite.
The morning train out of this city had been fully booked months in advance so it had to be an in and out in a day job, no hotel.
Further spite at the station with 3 different people telling us 3 different places for luggage storage there. None of them came to fruition and the one that was actually signposted and on the maps had partition walls around it. Better lug it to the park then.

Day 6 - Fantawild Adventure Zhengzhou

The bus in the arrival direction for the park dumped us directly opposite the entrance plaza, but there is a catch in that there is a dual carriageway to cross and a high fence stopping you from doing so. It looked to be a good mile walk in either direction through the so far unrelentingly scorching weather to get around this problem. 1 local couple got off here with us and were equally flummouxed by the situation, so no help there.
This particular impracticality has generated some thriving business in the form of a hoard of tuk tuks and drivers that all swarm you and offer to take you around. After distancing ourselves from that swarm and assessing the situtation, teamed up with the couple and selected a reasonably friendly old lady to drive us. All crammed in on folding seats, luggage loose on the roof, we set off. All the way down the road, around the fence and all the way back again. Got dropped off at the car park barriers straight into the usual flock of "theme parks = water, so buy a poncho, 5 bucks here, 10 inside" people. Swatting them away with a couple of heavy suitcases, powered into the premises. Almost there right?

After another huge walk, yes. The entrance area and plaza is f*cking massive of course. There's 2 parks here. Adventure on the right, Dreamland on the left. Tourist centre in the middle.
Tourist centre won't take the bags, have to store them inside the parks. Fine. Ticket office.
"2 parks, 1 day."
"We shut at 5 today, you sure?" "Easy mate."
"Can we get into one park more than once with this, you know, for the bags?" "Single entry only." Fine. Turnstyles.

Particularly glad this was the only place in China they weren't actually bothering with bag scanning.
Thumbprints and signatures on the multi ticket faff.
"Can we get into the park more than once, you know, for the bags?" "Single entry only." Fine. Internal tourist centre.
"Need to store this sh*t please."
Signatures, phone numbers and wristband faff. Taken round to a locker.
"Won't all fit in there mate." "I see."
Signatures, phone numbers and wristband faff. 2 lockers.
"Can we get back into the park later, you know, for the bags?" "Single entry only." Fine. Dicks.

Plan was to hit Adventure hard and fast as it's full of crap creds and low end dark rides, then spend decent time at the decent park.

Dino rampage first. Another spiderman system. Not sure if it was just the mood I was in, maybe I like dinosaurs too much and don't like when they have to start shooting in Jurassic Park, but this thing really annoyed me. I guess I was expecting some happy go lucky encounter with some dinosaurs gone a bit wild in a museum, but it was actually very graphic and disturbing.
I didn't expect to watch the army go nuts on a T-rex with machine guns while it picks up a car in it's mouth and throws it at them. I didn't expect to see that long neck dinosaur (the plant eater) to be eating people whole before getting a grenade in the mouth and its head blown off. I didn't expect to see a pterosaur crashing a helicopter into a skyscraper and men plunging to their deaths.
Looking back, it's f*cking funny. At the time it was just all kinds of no.

Oh good, the next mine train clone, with terrible operations.
At least the scenery was different.

Oh good, a Skyloop AND a Boomerang. Interesting rides AND throughput machines.
Skyloop had about 60 people in the queue. My immediate response was NOPE, gonna be at least 2 hours gone.
Got straight into the next batch of Boomerang candidates instead. Stress Express is f*cking right.

Hope the cat was enjoying life more. Doesn't look like it.

Maus au Chocolat eat your heart out. Or not.
Today it was how to suck all the fun out of shooting balloons? at gophers? I forget the details, but it's all a little too open plan with no atmostphere in that you can see the size of the warehouse it's housed in and each of the many, many upcoming walls of screens that you'll have to suffer as you go around.

Well that was enough of that place. It pissed me off that it was so stupidly popular in comparison to next door and by far the busiest weekday park of the trip. Why...

As none of the Adventure parks have interesting creds, I'd be quite happy to never touch one again. All yours @gavin.

"You sure we can't c..?" "Single entry." Fine. Dreamland.

Fantawild Dreamland Zhengzhou

Second internal tourist centre.
"Need to store this sh*t please."
"1 locker?" "No, 2. We just came from the other park and we needed 2."
"1 should do." "Seriously, it won't."
Signatures, phone numbers and wristband faff. Taken round to a locker to prove the point.
"Won't all fit in there mate." "I see."
Signatures, phone numbers and wristband faff. 2 lockers.

And breathe.
Turns out I really liked this park. A lot. Totally the right decision to ditch the Skyloop.

If only for the amount of time I got to spend with this beast. So many things I love about this thing.
Firstly, the way that shot of the first drop is framed perfectly from the station. Sitting down in the train looking at that drop. 'Oh sh*t.'

Woodies and locals anecdote 3: Several locals of a middling age got into the train on my first go. After a lengthy discussion with the attendants about the nature of the ride and an assessment of their surroundings (that framing) they all began shouting hysterically words to the effect of 'f*ck that' and promptly got back out of the train and left the station. I found myself willing them to just give it a go. There wouldn't be sick this time, there would be blood.

Sitting contently in the back, I'm specifically told to hold on. I oblige, politely. If you say so.
F*ck me, you do have to hold on.
Again, I didn't know the features of these woodies coming into the trip, so this one just blew me away.

The entry to that drop ain't straight. Because of this, the ride tries to get rid of you immediately at a 45 degree angle. Back seat instantly became one of my favourite first drops.
You then fly past the station over the smallest hill to ever follow a first drop. The ride staff were really lovely on this and are just standing there waving. I want to wave back but I'm too busy trying to process the insanity.

<3 Anti-social highfive element. Really aggressive whip in and out of those.

Proper corner.

Rounded off by many crazy hills of all shapes and sizes. It may be slightly shorter, but full of pure relentlessness.
Best ride of the trip.

Staggered over to Dragon King's Tale next.

It runs an actual preshow, unlike so many of their other rides that feel like they should.
Following that you walk through a cool tunnel with water shooting around it. Then I almost fall over cos it's wet and slippery. I was warned.
Actual ride is a big boat taking you around various scenes.
Oh no, the city is flooded and the (supposedly meant to be a boy, but i'll maintain it's a girl) has to ask the Dragon King to fix things. Dragon King is a bit of a dick and refuses for a while, but after a bit of persuasion through few action sequences, including real FIRE, he sorts it in the end. Liked this a lot.

Ticked off the SFC. Orkanen is a great ride and this is the best supporting coaster in any of their parks, but just a +1 today.

Qin Dynasty Adventure.

In my best film trailer voice: "Things take an unexpected turn when an archaelogical dig at the Terracotta army uncovers something more sinister."
I started off liking the vehicles for this as they have quite a punchy acceleration between scenes and they bank the wrong way on corners to exaggerate things. Then it goes up hills and does fake juddery drops and I wish they just called Premier and made it a cred.
Thoroughly enjoyed the theme and all the stuff going on.

We use the term academy loosely here. Yet another spiderman ride.
The wizard is a dick and says you shouldn't have come. He then proceeds to send many large mythical creatures to attack you, chucking in a few of his own spells as well.
Those are the lessons. You survive. You get a certificate from the academy. Well done.
Again I liked it a lot.

So that's 3 really good dark rides that were new to me. They've also got Jinshan Temple Showdown and Devil's Peak. They've got the best coaster lineup. They're really outdoing themselves here.
Seen less than 10 guests here and everyone is in the f*cking adventure park.

There were a lot of references around to the fact that a 'Chinese knock-off' of a famous Korean TV show had visited this park.

Yes we do.

Shot tower was laughably weak, but you take a lift to the top and there's some great views of the 2 parks up there.

Re-rode the woodie until I couldn't handle it, or how lovely the ride staff were, any longer. Then called it a day.

Bit of a love/hate thing going on here.

 

[Mysterious Sue]

I'm having all of the déjà vu here. I flew into Zhengzhou and spent a significant amount of time searching for the signed luggage storage that didn't exist. Finally found one like a mile away in a network of corridors. The taxi haggling situation was obsene here - by far the worst I've experienced in China which put me in a foul mood at the parks. Plus it was hotter than the sun the whole day which didn't help. On getting to the parks, I too was blown away by the size of the ridiculous plaza area. And had the same idea of getting the cred-heavy park done first. Sadly, the skyloop was down so everyone was in the queue for the boomerang. And I mean EVERYONE. Why was no one in the top quality park next door with the great dark rides and top notch theming? Why was everyone in the hideous old park with terrible rides? It makes no sense.

Did they also hold you for the mine train queue inside the crap sauna shed? And then wait until all riders had exited before letting you dash through the entire of the themed empty queue?
Were the dispatch times still all 8-10 minutes?
**** these parks, seriously.
(although keep the woodie though because that's amazing. So, so good).

 

[HeartlineCoaster]

Don't recall a sauna shed, or much theming for that matter. We were batched from a room with some painted walls, before some stairs and a bridge. A dash would be fruitless as everyone else takes it at a leisurely pace.

Were the dispatch times still all 8-10 minutes?

Yes, yes they were.

Day 7 – Happy Valley Wuhan

Goons this way.

This all seems somewhat familiar.
They were doing a hard sell on golf buggy rental at the entrance today, because it was hot and the 'park was big'. Speed wasn't really required, however, with the staggered ride openings and lack of people. Quite like to give that a go some day to add some extra comedy to a cred run, but it's crazily expensive even in a country where you expect to feel well off. Add it to the bucket list.

Oh good, another mine train clone. That makes 4 this week. At least we’ve managed to pull off a different theme on each one.

I’ll take this clone any day though. Another dose of magnificence.
With a fresh comparison, I think I’ve settled on preferring this layout over Beijing’s.

Just a more fluid sequence of elements, each one has full purpose and brutalises you with maximum efficiency.

It rode better than Bullet, but isn’t quite as nice to look at, so that’s a harder one to call.

Never found a dark ride I was looking for. Most staff didn’t remember it, one had a vague recollection of it being in the ‘desert area’, but the only building there contains an upcharge ice house (ain’t no Harbin), so I assume it’s gone.

On to the next woodie of the week. Was half expecting it, so wasn’t massively put out by the fact they were only running one side. The red side was in ‘maintenance’ all day. But one non-duelling dragon is better than no duelling dragon.

This was good. Probably the weakest woodie of the week, but that's not saying much. Still well up there in the grand scheme of things. I think the duelling aspect could have elevated it slightly more, but it’s still fun to watch the way the tracks cross over each other. The first drop of the other side looked more interesting with its weird s-bend and overlapping of the blue drop.

The highfive bit was cool, but not as killer as the antisocial highfive from the previous day.
Some very good moments throughout, but it runs out of steam a bit towards the end.

Woodies and locals anecdote 4: Had one particularly hilarious run in which every single person on the train around me was doing the weird ‘head down can’t cope with the forces’ thing and one man completely passed out for the duration. It certainly kicked his arse.

Opposite issue with the Skyloop here, not enough people wanted to go on it. The staff were amazing and managed to rally enough guests with their microphones so that there were enough numbers, while singing along to Jay Chou songs.

Got lucky again with that splash timing.

Formule X was spiting. Bit disappointed as it’s my favourite Xcar, but could be worse.

This here be a ‘pirate themed walkthrough’. Except that it isn’t. It starts off with a single pirate figure at a ship’s wheel. Then there’s an abandoned minivan. Then it’s pretty much the same sh*t as all the other haunted walkthroughs. What makes this weirder is that they also have a generic looking one just around the corner. Didn’t bother with that.

Soarin’ over the Yangtze. Quite liked this one. Had a good waiting area, was completely empty so only running the middle car for maximum immersion, mildly interesting stuff to look at.

Every park is made better by dinosaurs. Except Fantawild Adventure.

It started to rain a little around mid afternoon, the first time the weather had shown any sign of change from maximum sun spite. The park soldiered on for a good while longer and I managed to grab a final lap on both DD and OCTT in the rain before it got too heavy and they all threw in the towel for the day. Better than Nagashima Spite Land.

Had a good time here overall. They’ve potentially got the best coaster lineup in the chain, if they actually had it all running. Just lacks a lot in theming compared to the others.

The rain ruined any plans of mopping up creds in the city, so resorted to enjoying the ‘local sights’ around some malls.

 

[roomraider]

I must be the only person who actually had a decent day at Fantawild Adventure in Zhengzhou. I guess perhaps some of the following helped
1) It was before the 2nd park opened so I didn't have that to compare it to on the day
2) as I was doing Century park the next day I had a hotel for both the night before and after. Meaning i didnt have the taxi and bag faff on the way in. I just got the hotel to sort one out.
3) While it was Golden week and the crowds were on the heavy side the operations weren't too bad. (this is a relative term) The worst was maybe 45mins for the Skyloop.
4) It was my first Fantawild so it was all new to me.

Enjoying the trip report. Really need to get some of the Fantawild woodies to add to my HV woodie collection. And you are right. The S&S rides are astonishing. We need some out west.

 

[Gavin]

Which side of the woodie was open? I can't remember the colours now, but I know that I rode the track on the left as it goes up the lifthill. Would be interested to know if they alternate them since, when I was there, the walkways/queueline for the closed, right, side looked like it hadn't been used in ages - covered in leaves, dirt etc.

 

[HeartlineCoaster]

^^ Each to his own.

As none of the Adventure parks have interesting creds, I'd be quite happy to never touch one again. All yours @gavin @roomraider.

^Blue for me, right hand side on lifthill.
I believe I've seen evidence of them still running both together quite recently, somewhere online. The walkways looked the same in condition, just one was closed.
Have to be damn lucky/not go when the park is dead?

Day 8 - Hefei Wanda Theme Park
Mr Wanda managed to steal the show on my previous trip, so was excited to give the next one a try. It just so happened to be the one year anniversary of the park, which meant dirt cheap entrance tickets. Like, 10 quid each cheap. This also made it pretty busy coupled with the fact it was back to being a weekend, but the place copes well.

Had a great lack of giving a sh*t from staff upon entering. Had our bag searched, got told outside food wasn’t allowed, then shrugged and got on with our day.

The whole day was filled with a bit of cred anxiety as it was constantly threatening to rain and the staff were continuously announcing on rides that if it did, it was game over.
Bit of a chicken and the egg scenario in this part of the world. Which came first? The cultural mentality being like RCT in that they don’t believe they should ride things in the rain? Or the parks convincing themselves that it is unsafe to run things with a wet track?

Due to this threat, things were done in a relative order of significance. Powered round to Soaring with Dragon. 30 minute queue. 2 trains. Good man.

There’s a great atmosphere of tension and fear in the queue. It dips in and out of buildings adjacent to the first parts of the layout and then the final outdoor cattle pen puts you in close proximity to the launch track. Here, the triple Taron noise causes many a squeal of anxiety amongst the guests and trains are being pumped out at an unprecedented rate for China.

The ride itself? What I’ve come to expect from Intamin really. Some really, really good stuff in there, but couldn’t pull off the complete package.

Love the trains. Taron trains with a happy dragon on the front. Can’t go wrong.
Love the launch. Taron launch with a happy dragon on the front. Can’t go wrong.

Love the non-inverting loop. Wonderfully floaty and you get a really strong sense of the height at which you’re doing that stuff.

Same praise for whatever the inversion is. Good air time hill.
And now we’re turning… and we’re… turning some more.
Is that another air t… oh it’s the brakes.

Probably being a little over critical, particularly due to the nature of this trip, but for its size, it doesn’t feel any more significant of a layout than something like Star Trek. Just wish it did a little more in the second half other than uneventful corners. Feels like they’re chucked in for the visual effect around the amazing dragon statue rather than to serve the ride experience.

Still well up there in the grand scheme of things, just found myself wanting to love it more than I actually did.

Over to those duelling tilting things.

More visually impressive stuff, though not sure why all the major coasters are yellow. Unfortunately only 1 train per side, but queue again was about 30 minutes a pop.
Got the dragon side first, with some Chinese bloke getting overly excited about his chest mounted go-pro and the fact we were front row. Feigned a bit of enthusiasm. Wasn’t particularly looking forward to it myself.
Ridiculously elaborate seatbelt system is actually a full chest harness underneath the restraint. Do we not trust Golden Horse yet? Bloke is told to get rid of the go-pro of course. Off we go.

Approaching the end of the tilt track is quite cool and unnatural. The actual tilt itself didn’t really feel as interesting/scary as I expected. It didn’t trigger any additional fear beyond ‘is this going to ride like crap?’.

I like that they suspend both trains together to build the suspense while a staff member in the station looks up at you and counts you down with a microphone, sometimes using the classic trick of releasing it on the wrong number. (At least they have a good sense of fun. That or the ride system sucks).
Drop onwards it wasn’t particularly pleasant. Back to standard survival mode with a couple of dodgy bits of tracking. You can’t tell who wins at the end unfortunately.

The laws of the hobby now dictate I must put up with the other side. Queued the same amount again. Asked the batching man for the tiger side. He lied to me and put me on the dragon side again. Took things into my own hands and went over to the tiger side anyway. It caused a little confusion as they only like to have one trains worth of people anywhere near the station and I was having to wait for the next train, but it worked.

Foolishly went for the back, the other side having been manageable and thinking it would enhance the tilt or something. Tiger side just enhances the sh*tness of the ride.
I’m seemingly immune to the ‘worst steel coasters in the world’, but one more dodgy bit of tracking delivered two successive punches to my head that were much, much more severe than I have ever experienced on a ride before.
Everyone got off with visibly red ears. This helped me laugh it off and I was fine again after 5 minutes.

Grabbed the Wacky Worm in the vicinity, rain still threatening to end the day. Love the face on this one.

Wacky and proud.

Had another go on the dragon on the way past as I could lose the chance for re-rides at any second.

Grabbed the Crazy Jars on the other side of the park.

Not crazy enough.

Ferris wheel had an hour queue. Skip.

Stumbled upon a dark ride that I didn’t know existed.
Bit of a preshow, then a simulator about exploration of some lost relics in a submarine. Not bad, but enjoyed the Korean cartoons on the queueline TVs more.
I want to say it’s a sign of Wanda stepping up his dark ride game, but there’s always a ‘movie park’ in the mall next to the theme park that makes it all exist in a separate entity. Combine the 2, man.

Time for one final ride on the dragon, with it starting to rain mid queue. Again, they impressed me by soldiering on long enough to allow me a go in some quite painful rain. Better than Nagashima Spite Land.

FAILED to avoid a samba for the first time this year and got caught in a mass of people trying and failing to get out of the place due to the rain, just as the parade decided to rock up in the opposite direction. Couldn’t really see much over a million umbrellas, but it contained dragons, fire and Asian women, so good enough.

Game over with the rides. They were planning to have a fountain/music/firework celebration show at about 20:00 with the possibility of any of those things being forfeited due to weather. I admire the commitment of the locals, who had already begun staking out spots in their masses with at least 3 hours of waiting ahead of them. Decided not to join them, far too long a wait with nothing to do.

That and we had a room with a view…

 

[HeartlineCoaster]

Day 9 - Oriental Heritage Wuhu?
China's big boy train stations are vast, usually with a couple of entrance plazas at each end and consisting of multiple separate floors for arrivals and departures. Nanjing station does have lockers. In their infinite impracticality, they are located in the departure area. So on arrival this means re-entering the station through security passport and bag checks with a valid ticket for onward travel just to get to some storage.

Good thing we do have a valid ticket for onward travel then. Took another train to Wuhu from there, for some more Fantawild fun.
Then it all went f*ck up.

Weather had been grey, but fine all morning. As soon as we got on the bus, it started raining. Game over before the day had even begun.
This bus actually drops you off inside the resort, there's a novelty.
Wandered into guest services to get the lowdown.
It is now 09:00, park opening time. It's a weekend and they're open until 18:00.
They have already ruled out any possibilty of anything outdoors opening for the day, even if it stopped raining in half an hour and went back to 35 degrees of burning sunlight.
Well at least you're honest, unlike Nagashima Spite Land.

I know Dreamland had a few dark rides that were still new to me as well as some shows that looked interesting, so considered the possibility of just doing that stuff.
After more conversation, turns out the Bubble Ballet was closed for renovation and the big show 'Ashley' was cancelled for lack of attendance. I shall bid you good day then.

I'm still pondering that chicken and egg scenario. No one turned up to these parks, absolutely no one. We got comical stares from a couple of staff that were hanging around outside that basically said 'why the actual f*ck did you come here?'
Business just doesn't happen, so they cut their losses.
So did they learn that people don't bother first? Or did everyone get f*cked over by visiting one day and then tell everyone else 'never again'. It seems too new of an industry here to be so clear cut.
Locals must also have a sixth sense for weather. I'd been checking weather all week and found it wasnt very reliable information. Wuhan and Hefei were meant to be f*cked by thunderstorms all day on the days I was there but that turned out fine.

Back to Nanjing for more bag faff and malls.
Oh well, one more day in the area to give it another shot.

Spoiler: the weather was still f**king s**t and I didn’t get the Gravity Group woodie.

 

[Gavin]

So frustrating. As you know, Wuhu was a washout for me as well, but at least I didn't mind as much since it actually was pissing down the whole time, so it was totally expected.

I just bagged the creds at the older Adventure park before it started raining in the early afternoon, but the next day was f**ked.

I still did both parks for all the indoor stuff - those two shows at Dreamland were running - but was gutted about Jungle Trailblazer.

I'm wondering when we're going to see some of these Fantawild parks closing. It can't be sustainable.

 

[HeartlineCoaster]

Day 10 - F*ck all
Woke up the next morning and it was still a bit miserable outside. Original plan for this day was to dust off some Nanjing stuff in the morning and then Suzhou in the afternoon. Of course another reasonable chance at the Wuhu woodie had taken priority.
Decided not to bust a gut with earliness or waste time with trains again so just made some phone calls at the point of opening.

Each of these places are at least 100 miles away from each other, so this is how widespread the bit of rain that ruins daily life was.
Hi Fantawild, what's the score today? No chance for the woodie.
Hi mall park with the half indoor Vekoma motorbike, what's the score today? Whole park is closed for renovation.
Hi Suzhou giant wheel park, what's the score today? Unlikely, phone back at midday and we'll know for sure.
Hung around until the Suzhou train. Got to Suzhou.

Phoned again. Whole place closed today.
Tried and failed to appreciate the local scenery.
And that was that.

Up next: something to actually do.

 

[HeartlineCoaster]

The worst was over and it was back to being stupidly hot. I don't envy the person in the knock off Mickey Mouse suit who camps out the bridge to the shuttle buses. Not sure if the begging for a drink was meant to be a joke or not.

Day 11 - Happy Valley Shanghai

After a couple of days of cred drought, powered straight to the woodie with a fair amount of desperation. Closed for maintenance.

Alright, I'll settle for the dive. Closed for maintenance.

Now sweating profusely, how about some Megalite action? Sign said open. Queue was open. 10 people in the queue. 10 minutes of hanging around.
"Nah, the ride's f*cked, go try the mine train."
Some locals began an argument with the staff about how sh*t the park was being at this point, which was very compelling and completely threw me. I thought they were unable to comprehend incompetence. Stayed to watch until they all stormed out.

3 creds all lined up in the one section. All running. At last, some measure of success.

Operator here reckoned we shouldn't bother with this as it was a kids ride.
a) Don't care, got the cred
b) Only thing open mate.

Disappointed to find out this was basically asking B&M to build the Vekoma layout, so not particularly unique.
Took about half an hour to get a lap, with 1 train going ahead of us. Staff were visibly just sitting around on their arses killing time with the train already full, locked and ready to dispatch.
It rode as good as the normal ones do in prime condition. Interesting to see the official nameplate gives the ride a 'lifespan' of 15 years.

Went to ride Mine Train Ulven, as recommended by the staff earlier. Closed for maintenance.

Jumped on the Flying Island for some views of stuff not running.

No spiting... if only it were true.

Spiting.

Spiting.

Dive started testing while up here. There's still hope.

Seem to be coming across a lot of these spinners that don't spin recently.

I'd rather that sky was punctuated by an S&S right now.

But oh, they fixed it.

Either this trip has broken me or they've broken their Megalite. Not sure what was going on, but strangely it left me a bit dry.
Gave it a couple of goes to make sure. Should have been viciously intense. Just wasn't.

The testing came to fruition.
Sat in the comfy seat for ages with a blissful breeze waiting for customers to show up.

It is what it is. Good solid fun. Huge floaty drop and some other stuff to go with it.
Trimmed a little too hard on the block for my liking so there was no whip into the second drop. Liked it more than the Megalite on this particular day though.

This was crap after Wuhan. No nice staff or seating area, just baking outside a warehouse with no sign of whether it was running or not. It was running, but only the back left pod instead of the middle, giving a crap view. Fire exit signs are also clearly visible through the screen. Eh.

Did the Storm Tour dark ride thing. The excessive amount of spinning away from each scene was fun, but it was very short and underwhelming in general.
A bit like my time in this park.

Never really had issues with Happy Valley until now. This was easily the worst in terms of staff and how it was run, even the locals know it.

The weather had spited me one more time as after some interrogation at guest services, the woodie was closed because the 'rain had damaged the track'. Christ.
Apparently they were working on it (they weren't) and there was a chance it would reopen the next day (it wouldn't).

Headed off in to the city to make up for this loss.

People's Park

Oh yes, slap the money on the counter and see the local crowds gather for a spectacle. 3 laps of poorly tracked comedy.

I feel much better now.

 

[HeartlineCoaster]

Day 12 - Not much
To cheer things up on our final part, I think it's worth mentioning that something was off about the hotel here.
Firstly, the staff had numbers rather than names.

I was tempted to do some drugs after the last few days, but this sign was on the bed and proved effective enough in dissuading me.

And then these were on sale in the bathroom. Being set up for a good time obviously.

Phoned Happy Valley at opening time to see if they'd fixed Fireball. They hadn't. "I'm not ruling it out but... if you're coming just to play that... don't."

Headed off into the city instead with no real plans.

Stumbled across some bonus culture while changing lines.

Stumbled across some tower blocks. I'm counting that as culture too.

Century Park

Got lost trying to find this place. Exit 4 or 6, not exit 5. Thanks RCDB.

This baby is new this year. Flying car.
The whole 'amusement area' seemed to have had a bit of a refurb and there's some coming soon signs above the ticket office. Hope they get a Powered Dragon to compliment the lineup. Or a Jungle Mouse. I can't believe I still haven't got a Jungle Mouse.

Some foreign business-type people joined us for a lap. They seemed somewhat embarassed standing there ticket in hand and it took us, powering up like professionals, for them to make that leap.
They clearly didn't understand the concept of creds as they lead with the question:
Have you ridden this before? No mate, +1.
Good to end on a high.

Back on the disappointing Maglev to the airport.

It may have seemed a bit doom and gloom at times, but I do love doing trips here. There's so much good stuff that far outweighs the atrocities. They also make for great stories.
I fully disregard the many hours of sufferance to get around, because as soon as I set foot in the entrance to the queue for that next big woodie or launchie there's an unrivalled buzz of excitement. I can't stop myself from running, skipping, staggering along internally screaming 'Yes! This is actually a thing I'm doing!' It's the sense of adventure I guess. The payoff seems higher.
I'm sure it'll break me one day.

Cheers for reading.

 

[Coaster Hipster]

Thanks for the very valuable reports! I feel so sorry for you about the Happy *spiteful* Valley Shanghai situation. They have such a good coaster lineup but their management seem awful... I know what to expect for next year's visit

Interesting thoughts on Soaring With Dragon. I do wish that the coaster were a little longer, but the twists in the second half look Taron-like to me. Disappointing to hear that part isn't much excitement according to you.

I'm gonna keep these very good TR in mind to prepare my stopover in China next year

 

[roomraider]

I hope those condoms aren't made of Denim....

Enjoyed the report. It seems I've always been fairly lucky with parks after some of the stories both here and in Gavins recent TR. I guess there is plenty of time for that to change.