Final Part - Six Flags Great Adventure
Friday, July 26th
It seems more often than not that whenever I do a multi-park trip involving a Six Flags, the Six Flags always ends up being the last park of the trip (ex: SFOG last year, Great Adventure again a few years back with Hershey). It sucks because I’m not fond of Six Flags in general and they always leave a sour impression, especially following up parks like Dollywood or Hersheypark. But given my location, it was either gonna be this park or Dorney finishing things off (although I suppose Knoebels would’ve been a nice one, but that’s a little further from home).
Well, here we are again. I did this park back in 2015 alongside my first visit to Hershey, and I had done most of the park already so I only needed a couple a creds. So you’d think this would be a pretty casual visit, right?
After a couple hours of driving, I arrived at the park at just before 10:30 opening. The parking lot coasters make for such a gorgeous welcoming.
There was a whole buncha security faff leading in with a pretty big crowd already. Luckily, their newest cred,
Joker, was close by. So let’s get that before it becomes a **** show.
Was about to get in the queue when a staff member guarding the entrance went “NO PHONES OR KEYS ALLOWED WITH YOU.”
Excuse me? I have zipper pockets, I guarantee you they won’t fall out.
“NO. GO GET A LOCKER.”
Well ****.
Now, I realized I probably should’ve just said “Yep, already got a locker,” and kept going, but I thought I could explain why I didn’t need one. Yeah, not a chance.
So I went to the nearby locker station, which already had some people waiting to purchase one. Maybe around half a dozen people. Well, of course there’s only one machine there to purchase your locker. And
of course the people in front of me are taking forever to purchase. For real, it took some people three minutes to make a single payment. It shouldn’t take you more than 30 seconds. Come on guys.
I eventually got the locker (it’s only $1, but for ****ing keys and a cell phone), and finally got in line for Joker 10 minutes after I arrived at the area. Missing my walk-on window, now I had to queue for a bit. On the bright, I was looking forward to riding it.
My first S&S free spin was actually just a month before this trip, on the one at SFNE. And I surprisingly found it really fun, and liked it enough to get multiple re rides. So in theory, this one should be similar, right?
Nope, it was ****ing dreadful.
From that first little dive from the lift hill, and all the way through those first two valleys, I remained upside down the entire time. No rotation whatsoever. Ugh, it was so uncomfortable, it’s making me sick just writing about it.
The rotations sorted out after that first part and rode a little better, but I didn’t care. I was already done with it after those first two valleys. Just end the ride already.
It was already after 11 by the time I got off. Had it not been for the locker faff, I would’ve been done with this thing by 10:40. So not a great start to the day.
I went to
Kingda Ka after that, hoping to get a ride on that before it gets too crowded or before it breaks down. I’ve made my thoughts on this ride pretty clear in the past: it’s one of the worst coasters I’ve ever done.
But I wanted to give it a second chance in the front row. The biggest problem with this ride is the roughness, but supposedly the front row was fine. Luckily the queue never extended outside the station, and the wait for the front for wasn’t too bad.
Okay, so this front row ride was much better than the ride I had a few years ago, but it was still pretty mediocre. I kept my hands up for the launch but the ride just started shuffling hard again going up that top hat, forcing me to hold on to the restraint. And honestly, I can’t really remember what the launch was like? The ride just won’t let me enjoy it, so most of it's just a blur. And that hill into the brakes barely does anything.
So if that’s the best you can do, Kingda Ka, I give up on you.
Alright, two **** rides out of the way, let’s move onto more exciting stuff.
El Toro has been among the top of my bucket list pretty much since I joined CoasterForce, and it rudely spited me on my last visit. Given that I don’t live incredibly far away, it’s kind of a joke that it’s taken me this long to ride it.
The park has a no loose article policy on all of their rides, but they were really only enforcing it on Joker and El Toro. Well this time they a security guard holding down the fort and armed with a megaphone. After the Joker faff, I learned to just my keys and phone zipped up this time. The security dude was really only checking the front pockets, but I had some zipper pockets along the side of my shorts, and he never suspected it.
So El Toro has a pretty messy station design. You enter right next to the front rows, and everyone just gets clogged up there. But as a result, the back half of the train is left fairly empty. I went for the first row in the last car (or third to last row).
Going up the lift hill, some girl sitting behind me suddenly shakes my shoulders and went “WOOOO! LET’S GOOOO!” before stopping and explaining “Oh sorry I thought I knew you.” Excuse me?
Ok, whatever. No time to be bothered by strangers, it was time for El Toro! At long last!
Too bad it rode like ****.
Alright I’ll say this: this thing has some of the most intense airtime you’ll ever get. The shaping of the hills give some sharp ejector. And the drop is pretty insane too.
The issue is that the ride is in rough shape, and airtime was legit painful. I know that sounds crazy coming from some who doesn’t mind Skyrush’s lap bars, but this was bad here. There was no way I could keep my hands up after the first drop.
It must have come down the design of the lap bar (which was smaller than I was expecting) and the shaping of the hills that led to serious pain. I can’t be the only one that thinks this, can I?
Even the Rolling Thunder hill, which has been worshipped by many in the past, is just way too much. And then quick the turns after that are just ass. Same with the turnaround. Those two sections were the roughest.
It wasn’t the worst thing in the world, and it is a very extreme ride, but I couldn't enjoy. In fact I was kind of relieved going back into the brake run. What a disappointment.
I contemplated doing re ride, but ultimately saved it for later. I wanted to see if the security guard would go away in the afternoon (didn’t happen), but also I just wasn’t eager to get back on yet.
So at this point I had gotten pretty pissed with the park. I had done three coasters, all of which were fairly crap. El Toro being underwhelming was a huge blow, especially after it spited me years ago. Then there’s a dumb loose article policy. I’m used to the “no bags” rule the Six Flags does, but including keys and phones is silly. It forces pretty much everyone to pay for lockers, which is bull****. Then there’s the awful staff interactions that don’t make you feel welcome at all, slow operations, and annoying clientele.
I was only in the park for an hour and a half at this point, but I was so annoyed with it that I considered leaving early, canceling my hotel, and driving home that evening. I seriously thought about just riding Nitro and heading out. But in the end I stuck with my original plan. It would’ve been a brutal drive home given the Friday traffic, and I did end up spending a decent amount of time in the park (whether I liked it or not).
Let’s get back to more rides, then. Don’t worry, I have many more complaints coming up.
Bizarro is a pretty good B&M, and probably the best floorless I’ve been on. Although that’s not really saying much as the floorless category isn’t exactly the best. Just standard stuff really.
In a shocking turn of events, they were running all three trains, which was weird as it remained a walk on. It’s a good ride with some fun inversions, and since nobody was there I went for a couple rides.
But despite the lack of a queue and the three train ops, they were stacking heavily. On both my rides I sat on the brake run for up to 5 minutes. I appreciate the three train effort, but it’s not worth it if you guys aren’t quick enough.
I was actually a fan of
Runaway Mine Train last time, so much so that it was probably my favorite mine train that I’d done.
Boy, was I wrong. The ride is so bumpy and it gets worse and worse as it goes along. There’s some pretty horrendous transitions in the helix midway through. And that surprise airtime hill I used to like? Brutal stuff. Plus they went and ruined the trains with some colorful advertisements, as shown above.
Went for a little ride on the
Skyride. Highlights were the views. Lowlight was the teenage boys that passed by in the opposite direction blurting out “Wanna f**k?”.
Of all the Six Flags parks, this one might have the nicest setting. I’ll give them that.
Joker had gained a huge queue. Seeing that made me really grateful for getting it done early, despite all the faff.
Went for a ride on
Skull Mountain, which is a decent family indoor coaster. It’s really all about the first drop in the back seat; it really gets you. The rest is pretty forgettable though.
The wait for Skull Mountain wasn’t too bad, but it was filled with obnoxious kids screaming everywhere. And then it dumps you into the station, where you’re greeted with this:
It was the Big Kahuna all over again.
Batman had a consistently big queue, which is a shame as I quite enjoy these rides. I had to endure an hour queue last time I was year, thanks to one train operations. I couldn’t tell for sure if they were running two trains or not, but it didn’t matter because I only saw one train go every five minutes. I’m not dealing with that.
So I went over to their new-for-2019 ride, Wonder Woman. And these Zamperla discoveries are ridiculous.
I got in line, but I kinda regretted it as I didn’t realize how big the queue was. I sort of got stuck in there for a couple minutes, but once the ride op started screaming “WHOOSH” and other weird noises in the microphone every time the pendulum swung by (and I mean every ****ing time), I got the hell out of there.
The Dark Knight Coaster hilariously had a queue outside the building (although they were probably holding people off for the pre show), as well as its own special collection of paid lockers. No way I’m touching that ****.
That leads us to
Nitro. Ahhh, Nitro. You don’t deserve to be in this park. Of all the bad things about this park, Nitro is the one thing that’s not only genuinely great, but Six Flags actually knows how to run it. They had all three trains running and were killing it with the dispatches. As soon as one train would clear the second or third hill, the next train would leave the station. No stacking whatsoever.
And it is a fantastic ride as well. There’s a lot of great airtime on every camelback, and the positive g’s kick your ass, especially in the helix. I had heard reports that this ride was starting to age, but I didn’t find it that rattly. Much better than Diamondback.
The queue was never more than 15 minutes, so I started off with a couple rides in the back row. Later on I tried the front later on and it was even better.
I think after a couple rides on Nitro I attempted to find lunch. Well… everything was rammed. I took a quick walk around the area to see if there was anything manageable, but nope. I settled on the Johnny Rockets near Batman, and it took 40 ****ing minutes to get my food. I’m not even kidding. The best part was when I went up to finally order, the clerk went, “Oh can you hold on for a minute?” and left for a couple minutes (I think she was replenishing one of the fountain drinks, but she should’ve had someone who wasn’t manning the register take care of that considering all the people in line).
I ended up spending a little extra for the double cheeseburger. The single one was already around $13 and I think the second patty was only a couple bucks more, at that point I might as well (that's how they getcha lol). $6 for a single Dasani water bottle was a big fat **** you though. But I was very thirsty and ended up going for a soda, which was around $7-8, but those held a lot more than a bottle of water.
What a nightmare. Prices obviously suck, and are much higher than the other Six Flags park I’ve done, but what can you do? I suppose leave the park for someplace else, but I couldn’t be bothered really (and at that point it would’ve been hard for me to return lol).
I did another ride on Nitro (would’ve gotten more but the line was getting a little longer) and hiked back to the front of the park.
I would’ve done Superman: Ultimate Flight, but it had a huge line. This is a fun coaster and the pretzel loop is great, but there was no way I was waiting that long. Especially when Six Flags doesn’t know how to run a flyer efficiently.
I think Green Lantern had a shorter queue, but I skipped it because I didn’t feel like getting castrated.
I actually thought Zumanjaro: Drop of Doom was pretty awesome last time I was here, so let’s go do that...
...nevermind.
That leaves me with another ride on El Toro. The security guard was still there (he must’ve been standing there all day), but I was able to sneak on without being forced to pay for another locker. (And naturally as I get in the queue I see Zumanjaro running again, but at this point I can’t be bothered walking all the way around there again).
I figured the front would be more tolerable in the back, but unfortunately it rode about the same. Still very painful on the legs and rough in the valleys and turns. I honestly couldn’t warrant a third ride on it.
It’s such a shame. It’s taken me this long to ride it, and I’ll never know why it was ranked so highly. Unless of course they fix it up, but you know Six Flags won’t bother (I imagine it’d be super expensive for a retrack too).
It’s also put a damper on what I expect from the other Intamin pre-fabs. I’d hate to find out if they rode anything similar to El Toro. Maybe Colossos is fine now with its recent retrack, but I have no idea what the deal is with Balder or T Express.
I think it was around 3:30 PM at this point, and there was nothing else in the park I wanted to do so I got the **** out of there.
And if things couldn’t get any worse, I forgot where I parked my car so I wandered around for 20 minutes in the scorching heat trying to find it.
God, what an awful park. I mean, I didn’t have the best visit here last time in 2015 with the Toro spite, but this was so much worse. I could already tell within a couple hours today that this was the worst visit I’ve had at a theme park, and it’s easily become my least favorite park.
Unwelcoming and uninspired staff, slow operations, horrible prices, terrible path layout, annoying clientele, and underwhelming rides.
Yeah, let’s talk about the rides for a second. Similar to my thoughts on Kings Island, I used to think this had a pretty good ride lineup. But after a second visit, not so much. Let’s go through the coasters (we’ll forget about the kiddy creds for a sec).
Batman: The Ride - Ok, great invert, but obviously didn’t ride it today because of the operations. Plus these are everywhere.
Bizarro - Another solid B&M, but I shouldn’t have to sit on the brake run for five minutes while you send out half empty trains.
Dark Knight - Yippee a wild mouse!!
El Toro - Major disappointment, especially for your flagship ride.
Green Lantern - Stand ups are ****.
Joker - Ugh it was so bad. And they’re everywhere now.
Kingda Ka - A joke for the tallest coaster in the world.
Nitro - No complaints! Seriously, this is the only good thing about this park. Good for you, Six Flags.
Runaway Mine Train - Bumpy mother****er.
Skull Mountain - I mean it’s there?
Superman: Ultimate Flight - Good pretzel loop and that’s it. Slow operations as well.
And that was my last park of the trip. Definitely not the way I would’ve liked to end it, but oh well. I had no desire to return to this park at all. If they want me to come back, they’d have to get some sweet new cred or something, and that didn’t seem likely given the chain’s recent investments…
...****! They’re getting a raptor!