I had a
really weird and surprisingly in-depth theme park dream last night that I just had to tell you all about!
To set the scene, I was visiting “Fantasy Island in Skegness” for the first time with my family (well, it
started as my nuclear family, anyway…). I put the name in quotation marks because as is usual with dream theme parks, this version of Fantasy Island had a fair few… discrepancies with the real life version.
The day started with stuff that is actually in the real Fantasy Island, with Odyssey and Millennium being on my mind.
Me and my dad initially took our seats on Odyssey. We were on the front row, and I was excited for the ride ahead. When we started ascending the lift hill, I was naturally smitten with being on the front row, and I bizarrely said “we’ve got good weather for it; I’m so glad that we weren’t plagued by weather bad enough to cause the ride to close”… even know there was fog so thick you could hardly see ahead of you, waves crashing over the pier, and wind so strong you could feel the structure shaking! My luck was not to last, however… as when we were near the top, a very loud siren suddenly started going off, with the words “WARNING: Bad weather alert! Activate abort sequence!”. We kept ascending the lift hill for a bit, so me and my dad looked at each other, completely bemused… but then, the ride suddenly dropped backwards back down the lift hill, without any prior warning, and whacked us back into the station at full speed. Thankfully, the ride had the hardest station brakes ever and was able to stop a full speed train in the station in a matter of seconds, and the staff just nonchalantly opened our restraints as though nothing had just happened and said “sorry, the ride’s closed due to weather”.
After I got off Odyssey with my dad, quite a lot else happened. I struggle to piece together the exact sequence of events, as it was a bit of a blur, but I remember quite a few of the different attractions we did and a few of the different things that happened. These include:
- I had some sort of absolute temper tantrum in a random car park somewhere over Odyssey and Millennium being closed due to the weather. My sister was trying to console me, but to no avail; she was saying to me “Don’t worry, Matthew, we can always come back”, but I was angrily sobbing and yelling “No, [sister’s name]; this was my only chance and I BLEW IT!” before sobbing uncontrollably… in the background, Donald Trump was bizarrely there, yelling “This is fake news!” and “We need to build a wall around Fantasy Island!”
- We went in an attraction entitled “Gangsta Granny: The Experience”, ostensibly themed to the David Walliams book Gangsta Granny… which simply consisted of being repeatedly yelled at by a slightly drunk elderly lady eating chips and tomato ketchup and drinking a bottle of whisky. The lady also had a Southern US accent; think along the lines of Meemaw out of Young Sheldon.
- We went in a very long educational dark ride about the D-Day landings… I fell asleep halfway through it and got yelled at by my parents at the end as a result. They called me an “unpatriotic traitor” and “Hitler sympathiser”…
- We went on a ride that somehow had the ability to be a shape-shifting ride system; it started as a junior coaster, shape-shifted into a flying theatre halfway through and then shape-shifted back into a junior coaster at the end. Think along the lines of if The Dragon and Flight of the Sky Lion at Legoland Windsor had a baby and had the ability to shape-shift into one another. On this ride, my nan and grandad, as well as an 88 year old relative who I don’t think I’ve ever seen ride a roller coaster, popped up out of nowhere.
- We went onto a racing mat water slide whose theming was a bizarre hybrid of Minifigure Speedway at Legoland Windsor and VelociCoaster at Islands of Adventure… the ride had the racing lights, Roxy announcements and Team Legends and Team Allstars like Minifigure Speedway, but had a Jurassic World-themed queue, complete with raptors and a Bryce Dallas Howard/Chris Pratt pre-show video, like VelociCoaster. This Minifigure Speedway/VelociCoaster theming hybrid continued into the ride itself, with the ride containing upbeat racing music and announcements punctuated with odd sirens and raptor growls every now and then… the ride was also very short, at probably no more than 10 seconds long.
- We went into an attraction named “Hall of Tories”, which was kind of like a less celebratory version of the Disney classic Hall of Presidents. An animatronic version of each Tory Prime Minister post-2010 stood up and made a short speech, similar to the presidents in the Disney attraction, but towards the end, an animatronic Keir Starmer piped up from the back, started ranting about the Tories’ 14 year record in government and then encouraged the audience to throw foam balls at the animatronic Tories, from a bucket that suddenly appeared beneath the audience’s seats. The animatronic Tories tried to fight back with lines such as “£2,000 more tax under Labour!”, but eventually, the attraction ended with animatronic Starmer and the audience winning against the animatronic Tories.
- We went into a dark ride named “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”, ostensibly themed to the Roald Dahl children’s novel of the same name. It claimed to be a “world-class immersive experience”, but was more akin to that AI Willy Wonka event in Glasgow in reality…
- We went to have burgers, and I kept laughing at the numerous typos around and saying I had to post them in TowersStreet’s “Merlin Typos and Grammatical Errors” thread… at this point, my uncle and cousins also appeared out of nowhere.
- To top things off, my entire family randomly became Asian at some point in the dream… when I was getting off a ride and looking for my family, an Asian woman wearing my mum’s clothes started beckoning me over in Mandarin (which I somehow understood…), and I followed along and thought nothing of it!
It’s a while since I’ve had a theme park dream that’s been that much of an acid trip… I forgot just how utterly random and incomprehensible they can be!