^ haha thanks Martyn B :--D (surely i look like I'm about to stab someone though!!)
Thouht I'd have a go at a trip report so here goes (sorry if it waffles on a bit and if I get the ride order wrong - I lost count in the end because I went on so many)
After staying the night at the parents in Kent I set off about 9.30 with a quick stop off at the car wash. About an hour and a half later, following a drive through the Datford tunnel and much negotiating of Southend traffic jams, speed cameras and police cars, I made it to the seafront. I managed to park literally 2 minutes from Adventure Island in what seemed to be a space that, rather worryingly, abandoned my car in the middle of the road with traffic whizzing past on all sides. I met up with everybody just before 11.30 outside the Helter Skelter and almost immediately, the sun came out. I took my jumper off and settled down to a breakfast of German coloured lollypop. After a slight wait for stragglers, an introduction from Mark and collection of money from Ian, wristbands were received relatively hassle-free, and it was off to the first ride – the Mighty Miny Mega or 'Coaster on the Roof'. At this point the sun went in again and the jumper came back on (a pattern of sunshine and clouds/jumpers and sun/non-jumpers that carried on throughout the day).
The Mighty Miny Mega turned out to be one of the better rides of the day for me - a great family coaster, all curves and twisted track. It also set the precedent for garish colours replicated throughout the park. I remembered the track being in another place and Mark told me it used to be at ground level, but was later raised above the amusements. Then it was onto Ramba Zamba, or the giant spinning plate that made us all feel sea sick. I've not been on the Chessie version yet so this was an interesting new type of ride for me, although slightly painful when the backrest snapped shut squishing me in.
Next, I think it was Pharaoh's Fury – an old-school fairground spiny ride. I went on with Gavin and tried my best not to squish him. Unfortunately, half way round the sunglasses I had forgotten to take off tried to fly away, and on grabbing them I let go of the ride and slammed into Gavin (sorry hun!). Then it was Devil's Creek Gold Mine, the weird splicing together of a kids wild west train and ghost train-devil-pumpkin things. In the queue line I had huge BAG SPITE as someone held my bag aloft dripping coke :x – I never did find the hole in the can! After sorting that out, much hilarity ensued getting into and wildly spinning the circular cars.
From then on we went on so many rides that I lost track of the order. I know that we went on the cute American whip (which didn't make my arse sticky Ian – it was the coke!) and the terrible Sk8boarda which tried to make my ears bleed by playing Avril Latrine and by sitting next to Stone Cold who shouted endlessly. From there it was another charming coaster – the ridiculously-named Barnstormer (I think the ‘flies around bushes and trees’ journey described on the park profile is exaggerating the one tree it a bit!).
At some stage we turned into kids and tackled the Helter Skelter and the Crooked House. The Helter Skelter soon showed up the old 'uns as they whinged about climbing the stairs. After loosing my glasses I now attempted to loose my phone half way down and lent backwards to get it, ending up in a rather un-fetching position on exiting the slide! The crooked house was a hit with me because of its dodgy animatronics and its ability to make you fall over so often.
More spiny rides next, including Vortex – similar to Pharaoh's Fury but with added height, more tilting and hilariously phallic-shaped restraints for between your legs. Luckily the ride ended just in time before a little girl in the next car was sick on us. Most people then sat out for Dragon's Claw to cries of 'spite'. I thought that they were all being wimps, but my God the pain!!! Still not sure I can feel my teeth (it reminded me of the time I got held upside-down on Ramases Revenge for 15 minutes – the same feeling of blood rushing to your head and loss of sensation). I also went on Scorpion with Mushoom. Lunch was called and I went off with the old men Ian and Vadge to the town for KFC and the quest for blu-tac (for pin-the-tail).
The second half of the day began with the CF Go-Kart Grand Prix. The cars were fairly slow and it took a lot of nerves and weaving to overtake. The highlights included people religiously ignoring the man who leapt out with a sign saying 'no bumping', and being able to lap Vadge when her car broke, shouting 'looser' at her rather loudly. A second group took to the Karts and Neal somehow managed to make his go v. fast to cries of 'how's he doing that?!'. The results were announced, and thanks to bribing the judges with sweets, I came in third. Cial came in second and Peter was crowned king of the karts in first place. Mushroom won the literal booby prize - a pair of comedy breasts. :car9:
It was time then for Rage. I was really excited about this ride as the most fearsome looking in the park, but was slightly disappointed on the first run with only about ½ a second of airtime at the start. Overall it was really short and a yucky pink colour; I don't think we had the superhero voiceover either. Stone Cold/Vadge and Neal tried to break the sound barrier on their lap shouting with Rage rage as they came around. Skydrop followed and proved a soothing rest with great views of the park.
Pin-the-tail/shlong-on-the-donkey was played. Cue strange looks from MOTP and several people 'accidentally' being spun into walls. Will begrudgingly won some bubbles for the tail and Frasier won back his wristband for putting on his shlong most accurately and the correct way round. There was time for the Sea Serpent slidy thing which was truly scary as people rocked the rickety structure and fearless children barged past. I tried to take a video down the slide and screamed loudly as the darkness took me by surprise. Think Over the Hills was next – the best ghost train I've every been on (despite its strange name) with a brilliant surprise at the end. If only Th13teen had been that good! :shock:
Archelon, or 'drunken turtle' provided swinging fun and a chance to fight each other in mid air, wrapping our chains round and twisting back super-fast. I raced Stone Cold down Tidal Wave Blue (with that and Vortex, has Southend just stolen all of Thorpe's names?) and managed to stay reasonably dry, unlike Brad who minced about his wet arse for ages.
Those who fancied it then went off to play Crazy Golf. I was competing with Vadge, Ian, and Marc/k. Mark went to war with his ball calling it ****ball every second, while Marc came up with some fantastic fluke shots to join me in first place. Vadge was the only one of our group who didn't have a **** (more than 5 strokes!). We gathered on a wall for those playing two games to finish. Ian spent his time tattooing a plant with 'Will is gay', while Will decided to become bin monster for the afternoon. I thought that I was entertaining everyone with my gnome factory story, but in reality had fallen victim to Vadge and Ian clipping my bag to the fence so that I got stuck when trying to get up – just wait you two - THIS IS WAR!!!:twisted:
After a bit of faff it was time for the last few rides. Dragon was up next followed by Green Scream. Ian decided to pick up a bag on the first lap and put it back further up the station on the way in – Vadge stopped me from copying him just in time, as I reached for a child's tiny backpack and we were both in tears of laughter for the rest of the ride. Think we went on Rage again at this point, and the second time seemed a lot better – we definitely had the voiceover this time. I forgave them for taking out Raging River – the log flume that had been there before. The wierd 3D pirate film Blackbeards was next (I really don't like these at the best of times - after Happy Feet I feel my life slipping away from me, and I just wanted to throttle the Pirate for the whole stop/start thing).
A unanimous cry of pub was called and we all followed Mark as we went back-in-time to a 1980s boozer on the seafront, complete with ashtrays in the toilets and mirrored ceilings. After a leisurely afternoon over a pint and the discovery that You've Been Framed is actually quite funny without any sound, we went back to the park. Rage again and then the last ride of the day was the Big Wheel amid much Kelly Jones/Matt Bellamy arguing with Neal and a lush view of the sea.
All too soon it was time for goodbyes and the trip home. Thanks Mark for an awesome day, Ian for the prizes and everyone for making me feel welcome as the newbie. :--D
Role on Blackpool...
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