I've always felt Disney parks expect too much of their guests. There's so much homework involved in visiting Disney: learning about Genie Plus, Lightning Lane, when to arrive at the park early, knowing where to go and what to do. In fact, I'm pretty sure it's Disney visits that inspired the enthusiast phrase "attack the park." We're going to "attack the park this way" we proclaim, stressed at the (rightful) presumption that if we don't do a PhDs worth of research we won't get on everything we want to. There is absolutely nothing casual or spontaneous about a trip to Disney.
This is exactly why I've always been a Universal gal. At Universal, you can just rock up and get on some world class rides, stress free. The mania that accompanies a Disney visit doesn't happen at Universal. There isn't that tension of an overcrowded park where everyone is trying desperately to experience enough attractions to justify the eye-watering cost of a Disney ticket.
I am currently on tour in Japan. With a very hectic tour schedule, my only opportunity to visit a theme park was to fly out a day early. Leaving me time to visit just one park. Having previously visited Tokyo Disney, Fuji Q and Nagashima Spa Land in 2019; now was the time to give Universal Studios Japan a try.
USJ is one of the most visited theme parks in the world. Home to lands so popular they required timed-entry tickets, I knew it was going to be a busy one. Dillegently I knuckled down to do my USJ homework beforehand.
The main draw for me was Super Nintendo World, and the only way to guarantee a timed-entry ticket for Super Nintendo World was the buy the top tier Express Pass. This gave me:
1 x Express Pass for 7 rides (but I did not get to choose which rides)
1 x timed entry to Super Nintendo World
1 x timed entry to Wizarding World of Harry Potter
I bought this 1 month before my visit as their Express Passes tends to sell out in advance. No matter how hard I work, how much I earn, I will always resent Fast Pass and feeling forced to get it. It's just not fair on anyone, is it. If a fast pass is a necessity then a theme park is not doing its job right (*shoots pointed look in the direction of PortAventura*)
On receiving my pass, I noticed my allocated Nintendo World timed-entry was scheduled for 3pm, and Potter was timed-entry was 4pm. This gave me just one hour to do both rides and all the interactive stuff in Nintendo World. Hmm.
That's definitely not long enough in Nintendo World, even with a fast pass, is it?
Having done further research on USJ, I decided to arrive at the park at 7.30am, for 9am opening. Even though I had a fast pass.
They opened the park at 8am, I was one of the first people through the gates. Staff were begging guests not to run. So I adopted the same brisk duck-like waddle of everyone else anxiously trying to get into Super Nintendo World.
You see, when I was studying for my PhD in Universal Studios Japan, I found out that:
- they always open the park early
- you can get into Nintendo World without a timed-entry ticket if you're one of the first people in the park
You know when Homer Simpson skateboards over Springfield Gorge and for a brief (delusional) moment, he feels triumphant, like he's going to make it? That was me and my Not-Running-Fast-Paced-Duck-Waddle heading towards Nintendo World. There was no one in front of me! The coast was clear! I was going to make it!
But wait. What's this? Staff began blocking the entrance path to Nintendo, placing a barrier across it. They diverted the first couple of hundred guests (me included) down a dead end path. Then they let the next couple of hundred guests through. Then they sent us round in a circle, closed off Nintendo World access and told us to book a timed-entry on our phones.
"What?!! They just sent us round in a circle?!?! Whyyyy?!" cried the exasperated American couple dressed head-to-toe in Mario merch. I shrugged my shoulders, head buried in my phone, frantically trying to get a timed-entry for the morning. I didn't even have time to be outraged. I had spent too much money to be outraged.
...Success! Timed entry for Nintendo World acquired for 9am.
By this point most of the other rides queues were already exceeding 60mins and my fast pass times were for the afternoon, so I mooched around some shops and got some Not Disney Ears from the Not Disney Park.
Come 9am there was a queue of people waiting to get into Nintendo World with their timed tickets. It took about 10 mins for me to get scanned in. The staff were lovely and getting all the guests hyped up with Mario catchphrases while we waited.
Appropriately, for a land themed to video games, Super Nintendo World has a paywall. To experience the area in all its glory, you must buy the interactive wrist band.
I obediently joined the queue to purchase a wristband, which also took about 10 minutes. I got the Yoshi egg one. It worked out to cost roughly £30.
Going through the green pipe made my eyes well up. This one is for little Serena, hunched over her Gameboy when she should be asleep, with the sound turned down, completing Super Mario for the first time.
And in that moment I was hit by the sheer power of generation-spanning IPs in theme parks. Goddammit nostalgia is persuasive.
Hey brain, stop overthinking, and look at this... I emerged from the green pipe to a sight that made me gasp with joy. Mount Beanpole! Bowsers Castle! Peaches Castle! Goombas! Koopa Troopas! Green shells spinning across blocks. OH MY GOD THIS IS AMAZING.
There is so much motion in Super Nintendo World. Everything moves. Everything is bright and exact to the Mario world. The land completely arrested my attention from the moment I stepped inside.
I joined a little queue to punch my first block. The coin noise rang out and I did a happy jig. I found the musical note blocks and punched out a little tune. Wow, this is a lot of fun.
But it can't just be fun can it. It has to link to an app. It has to take you out of the magnificently crafted world and down to your phone that you stare at way too often.
The wristband links to an app, you have to complete Key Challenges. Once you have obtained 3 keys, you can go into Bowsers Castle for a special interactive final showdown challenge.
The key challenges are fun physical mini games. They involve hitting lights, pulling levers and generally leaping around like a game character. I had to wait about 15 mins to have a go on each one.
So I was right to think that a my timed-entry hour in the afternoon would not be long enough in Nintendo World! Good job I'm an uptight enthusiast and not a casual guest, ey? Just imagine what all this is like for them...
Interacting with Nintendo World via the wristband is very fun. The final challenge to defeat Bowser was great.
However. Isn't it kinda mad to have to spend £30 to experience one area of a theme park in full? I mean, you can get in to EnergyLandia for less than £30. I'm not sure how I feel about it. It's a hell of a lot of money for what is essentially mini games. But then...where else can I defeat a giant Piranha Plant? Once again, the intoxicating allure of the IP takes hold...
Here, have an awkward character photo
By 11am I had been in USJ for 3 hours and not ridden anything. That's the thing about Express Pass where every ride pass has a specific time. It completely dictates your day. My Express Passes didn't even start until 3pm.
Hey, maybe I'll just get on something with single rider I thought. It was then that I realised: nearly half the park was closed.
Flying Dinosaur: closed all day
Jurassic Park: closed all day
Spiderman: closed for retheme
Snoopy Land: closed
Terminator 2: closed permanently
Hollywood Dream: currently unavailable
Oh okay. I guess I'll go watch the Universal Monsters Rock n Roll show. What's not to love about Frankenstein shredding on guitar, after all. It was a cute show but not particularly impressive.
Another thing I had been really looking forward to was the No Limit Parade, which featured Pokemon characters. I went to get a spot nice and early, only to find out that the parade wasn't happening that day. It was a busy Friday after all. Why entertain your guests?!
With Hollywood Dream still down, I opted to get some food. I felt like I was just finding ways to kill time. After this, it was 1pm and I still hadn't ridden any rides (not that there were that many open to ride anyway)
Another annoying thing about USJ Express Pass is it gives you options. I had 1 Express Pass to use on either Hollywood Dream or Jaws, but not on both. Knowing that the B+M "hyper" (and I use that term very lightly here) would have a humongous queue when it was back up and running, I saved my Express Pass for that and joined the stand by line for Jaws.
Man, I can see why this is the only Jaws left. This ride is dated! And I was sat in prime shark position on the far left outside seat! I smiled along with the hide n seek nature of the ride, but my enjoyment was pretty forced. I was having to try so hard to enjoy this park.
Hollywood Dream reopened so I used my Express Pass on that. Its weird sitting in hyper seats and feeling absolutely no airtime whatsoever. This ride is sluggish. Very underwhelming. The only thing worse than a bad, rough ride is a forgettable one and Hollywood Dream sadly is that.
Time to go back to Nintendo World with my Fast Pass timed-entry and ride Mario Kart.
Delivering Mario Kart as a ride experience was always going to be a challenge. How do you recreate the chaos of the game whilst ensuring the ride is tame enough for its young fan base?
Turns out, it's just not possible.
My biggest complaint about Mario Kart is that the game is a racing game, and yet the ride moves so slowly. Not at any point do you feel as though you are racing. There is no sense of speed.
On my first ride there was a power cut, resulting in our car trundling around the sets with no audio and no AR. These things happen, it's just a shame when they happen to be your first experience of something. I then got sent to the parent swap area and allowed a reride when it was back up and running.
Now, anyone who knows me knows I adore a shooty dark ride. Why do you think I visit Walibi Belgium several times a year?! It's not just for the sublime beast that is Kondaa.
The shooting element of Mario Kart is very convoluted, which in turn, makes it too frustrating to get into. Normally I love getting ultra competitive on a shooting ride, but Mario Kart had the opposite effect on me. Also, the headset is uncomfortable and heavy. A very disappointing ride, and I had gone in with fairly low expectations.
In all the Mario Kart power cut faff, I missed my timed express pass slot for Yoshis Adventure. Luckily, after some explaining and helpful staff, they still let me use it even though it had expired.
I got a red Yoshi. I wanted a pink one. Or a yellow one. Hmmmph. This ride is very cute though and gives a great view of the area. It's the nicest way to experience Nintendo World.
Something I'd love to see in this area is an omni-mover haunted house themed to Luigis Mansion.
Moving on...
At best, I'd describe myself as Harry Potter ambivalent. I've read the books, they're nice for what they are. I appreciate how it's a captivating world for some. So Hogsmeade as a theme park area is never going to have much impact on me but it is well done. God it made me miss the Hagrids coaster though!
The line for Demon Slayer (rethemed Space Fantasy) was simply too long to even contemplate.
So I watched a little show where Hello Kitty played a keytar in a battle of the bands.
I did the My Hero Academia 4D cinema, which reiterated the power of the IP to me. It was an average 4D cinema but I love My Hero Academia so I liked it way more than it deserved to be liked, if you know what I mean?
Desperate to get my moneys worth from my Express Pass, I headed to Despicable Me at 7pm (Park close: 8pm)
The ride was already closed for the day. There was simply nothing to do by this point.
I don't need to conclude on a bitter rant for you to grasp that getting on 5 rides in a 12 hour park day with an Express Pass is terrible.
So instead, some musings on Universal Studios Japan:
The park feels like a comic con with a couple of rides chucked in. Full of IPs, full of beloved anime stuff, very much centred around fandoms.
The ratio of shops to rides is very off balance. If you wanna go and buy loads of cute fan merch, you will love USJ. If you want to experience top of the range rides, you won't find that here. The park is very lacking when it comes to rides (at least it was for my visit with so much closed)
It's interesting to note that words I have used when describing my experience at USJ are: 'anxious' 'stressed' 'disappointed.' Which are not words anyone should be using to describe their (very expensive) experience at a world class theme park.
But yet, I'm sure I have used those words before...when talking about Walt Disney World. How crazy is it, that the most premium parks are offering some of the worst guest experiences.
How mad is it that I did so much research, put so much effort and money into this visit, and still had such a disappointing time. In this respect, USJ feels like the Linkin Park of theme parks:
"I tried so hard and got so far, but in the end, it doesn't even matter"
I dunno, maybe I'm not a Universal gal. Maybe I'm a Six Flags gal. See a big ride on some concrete, walk up to it, ride it, great. No timed entry. No hypnotising IPs. No interactive wristbands. No stress.
It's very odd to leave a theme park feeling like your adrenaline has not spiked even once. USJ has left me craving a good park with great rides. And our tour vehicle just drove past Nagashima Spa Land
Thanks for reading my USJ woes!
This is exactly why I've always been a Universal gal. At Universal, you can just rock up and get on some world class rides, stress free. The mania that accompanies a Disney visit doesn't happen at Universal. There isn't that tension of an overcrowded park where everyone is trying desperately to experience enough attractions to justify the eye-watering cost of a Disney ticket.
I am currently on tour in Japan. With a very hectic tour schedule, my only opportunity to visit a theme park was to fly out a day early. Leaving me time to visit just one park. Having previously visited Tokyo Disney, Fuji Q and Nagashima Spa Land in 2019; now was the time to give Universal Studios Japan a try.
USJ is one of the most visited theme parks in the world. Home to lands so popular they required timed-entry tickets, I knew it was going to be a busy one. Dillegently I knuckled down to do my USJ homework beforehand.
The main draw for me was Super Nintendo World, and the only way to guarantee a timed-entry ticket for Super Nintendo World was the buy the top tier Express Pass. This gave me:
1 x Express Pass for 7 rides (but I did not get to choose which rides)
1 x timed entry to Super Nintendo World
1 x timed entry to Wizarding World of Harry Potter
I bought this 1 month before my visit as their Express Passes tends to sell out in advance. No matter how hard I work, how much I earn, I will always resent Fast Pass and feeling forced to get it. It's just not fair on anyone, is it. If a fast pass is a necessity then a theme park is not doing its job right (*shoots pointed look in the direction of PortAventura*)
On receiving my pass, I noticed my allocated Nintendo World timed-entry was scheduled for 3pm, and Potter was timed-entry was 4pm. This gave me just one hour to do both rides and all the interactive stuff in Nintendo World. Hmm.
That's definitely not long enough in Nintendo World, even with a fast pass, is it?
Having done further research on USJ, I decided to arrive at the park at 7.30am, for 9am opening. Even though I had a fast pass.
They opened the park at 8am, I was one of the first people through the gates. Staff were begging guests not to run. So I adopted the same brisk duck-like waddle of everyone else anxiously trying to get into Super Nintendo World.
You see, when I was studying for my PhD in Universal Studios Japan, I found out that:
- they always open the park early
- you can get into Nintendo World without a timed-entry ticket if you're one of the first people in the park
You know when Homer Simpson skateboards over Springfield Gorge and for a brief (delusional) moment, he feels triumphant, like he's going to make it? That was me and my Not-Running-Fast-Paced-Duck-Waddle heading towards Nintendo World. There was no one in front of me! The coast was clear! I was going to make it!
But wait. What's this? Staff began blocking the entrance path to Nintendo, placing a barrier across it. They diverted the first couple of hundred guests (me included) down a dead end path. Then they let the next couple of hundred guests through. Then they sent us round in a circle, closed off Nintendo World access and told us to book a timed-entry on our phones.
"What?!! They just sent us round in a circle?!?! Whyyyy?!" cried the exasperated American couple dressed head-to-toe in Mario merch. I shrugged my shoulders, head buried in my phone, frantically trying to get a timed-entry for the morning. I didn't even have time to be outraged. I had spent too much money to be outraged.
...Success! Timed entry for Nintendo World acquired for 9am.
By this point most of the other rides queues were already exceeding 60mins and my fast pass times were for the afternoon, so I mooched around some shops and got some Not Disney Ears from the Not Disney Park.
Come 9am there was a queue of people waiting to get into Nintendo World with their timed tickets. It took about 10 mins for me to get scanned in. The staff were lovely and getting all the guests hyped up with Mario catchphrases while we waited.
Appropriately, for a land themed to video games, Super Nintendo World has a paywall. To experience the area in all its glory, you must buy the interactive wrist band.
I obediently joined the queue to purchase a wristband, which also took about 10 minutes. I got the Yoshi egg one. It worked out to cost roughly £30.
Going through the green pipe made my eyes well up. This one is for little Serena, hunched over her Gameboy when she should be asleep, with the sound turned down, completing Super Mario for the first time.
And in that moment I was hit by the sheer power of generation-spanning IPs in theme parks. Goddammit nostalgia is persuasive.
Hey brain, stop overthinking, and look at this... I emerged from the green pipe to a sight that made me gasp with joy. Mount Beanpole! Bowsers Castle! Peaches Castle! Goombas! Koopa Troopas! Green shells spinning across blocks. OH MY GOD THIS IS AMAZING.
There is so much motion in Super Nintendo World. Everything moves. Everything is bright and exact to the Mario world. The land completely arrested my attention from the moment I stepped inside.
I joined a little queue to punch my first block. The coin noise rang out and I did a happy jig. I found the musical note blocks and punched out a little tune. Wow, this is a lot of fun.
But it can't just be fun can it. It has to link to an app. It has to take you out of the magnificently crafted world and down to your phone that you stare at way too often.
The wristband links to an app, you have to complete Key Challenges. Once you have obtained 3 keys, you can go into Bowsers Castle for a special interactive final showdown challenge.
The key challenges are fun physical mini games. They involve hitting lights, pulling levers and generally leaping around like a game character. I had to wait about 15 mins to have a go on each one.
So I was right to think that a my timed-entry hour in the afternoon would not be long enough in Nintendo World! Good job I'm an uptight enthusiast and not a casual guest, ey? Just imagine what all this is like for them...
Interacting with Nintendo World via the wristband is very fun. The final challenge to defeat Bowser was great.
However. Isn't it kinda mad to have to spend £30 to experience one area of a theme park in full? I mean, you can get in to EnergyLandia for less than £30. I'm not sure how I feel about it. It's a hell of a lot of money for what is essentially mini games. But then...where else can I defeat a giant Piranha Plant? Once again, the intoxicating allure of the IP takes hold...
Here, have an awkward character photo
By 11am I had been in USJ for 3 hours and not ridden anything. That's the thing about Express Pass where every ride pass has a specific time. It completely dictates your day. My Express Passes didn't even start until 3pm.
Hey, maybe I'll just get on something with single rider I thought. It was then that I realised: nearly half the park was closed.
Flying Dinosaur: closed all day
Jurassic Park: closed all day
Spiderman: closed for retheme
Snoopy Land: closed
Terminator 2: closed permanently
Hollywood Dream: currently unavailable
Oh okay. I guess I'll go watch the Universal Monsters Rock n Roll show. What's not to love about Frankenstein shredding on guitar, after all. It was a cute show but not particularly impressive.
Another thing I had been really looking forward to was the No Limit Parade, which featured Pokemon characters. I went to get a spot nice and early, only to find out that the parade wasn't happening that day. It was a busy Friday after all. Why entertain your guests?!
With Hollywood Dream still down, I opted to get some food. I felt like I was just finding ways to kill time. After this, it was 1pm and I still hadn't ridden any rides (not that there were that many open to ride anyway)
Another annoying thing about USJ Express Pass is it gives you options. I had 1 Express Pass to use on either Hollywood Dream or Jaws, but not on both. Knowing that the B+M "hyper" (and I use that term very lightly here) would have a humongous queue when it was back up and running, I saved my Express Pass for that and joined the stand by line for Jaws.
Man, I can see why this is the only Jaws left. This ride is dated! And I was sat in prime shark position on the far left outside seat! I smiled along with the hide n seek nature of the ride, but my enjoyment was pretty forced. I was having to try so hard to enjoy this park.
Hollywood Dream reopened so I used my Express Pass on that. Its weird sitting in hyper seats and feeling absolutely no airtime whatsoever. This ride is sluggish. Very underwhelming. The only thing worse than a bad, rough ride is a forgettable one and Hollywood Dream sadly is that.
Time to go back to Nintendo World with my Fast Pass timed-entry and ride Mario Kart.
Delivering Mario Kart as a ride experience was always going to be a challenge. How do you recreate the chaos of the game whilst ensuring the ride is tame enough for its young fan base?
Turns out, it's just not possible.
My biggest complaint about Mario Kart is that the game is a racing game, and yet the ride moves so slowly. Not at any point do you feel as though you are racing. There is no sense of speed.
On my first ride there was a power cut, resulting in our car trundling around the sets with no audio and no AR. These things happen, it's just a shame when they happen to be your first experience of something. I then got sent to the parent swap area and allowed a reride when it was back up and running.
Now, anyone who knows me knows I adore a shooty dark ride. Why do you think I visit Walibi Belgium several times a year?! It's not just for the sublime beast that is Kondaa.
The shooting element of Mario Kart is very convoluted, which in turn, makes it too frustrating to get into. Normally I love getting ultra competitive on a shooting ride, but Mario Kart had the opposite effect on me. Also, the headset is uncomfortable and heavy. A very disappointing ride, and I had gone in with fairly low expectations.
In all the Mario Kart power cut faff, I missed my timed express pass slot for Yoshis Adventure. Luckily, after some explaining and helpful staff, they still let me use it even though it had expired.
I got a red Yoshi. I wanted a pink one. Or a yellow one. Hmmmph. This ride is very cute though and gives a great view of the area. It's the nicest way to experience Nintendo World.
Something I'd love to see in this area is an omni-mover haunted house themed to Luigis Mansion.
Moving on...
At best, I'd describe myself as Harry Potter ambivalent. I've read the books, they're nice for what they are. I appreciate how it's a captivating world for some. So Hogsmeade as a theme park area is never going to have much impact on me but it is well done. God it made me miss the Hagrids coaster though!
The line for Demon Slayer (rethemed Space Fantasy) was simply too long to even contemplate.
So I watched a little show where Hello Kitty played a keytar in a battle of the bands.
I did the My Hero Academia 4D cinema, which reiterated the power of the IP to me. It was an average 4D cinema but I love My Hero Academia so I liked it way more than it deserved to be liked, if you know what I mean?
Desperate to get my moneys worth from my Express Pass, I headed to Despicable Me at 7pm (Park close: 8pm)
The ride was already closed for the day. There was simply nothing to do by this point.
I don't need to conclude on a bitter rant for you to grasp that getting on 5 rides in a 12 hour park day with an Express Pass is terrible.
So instead, some musings on Universal Studios Japan:
The park feels like a comic con with a couple of rides chucked in. Full of IPs, full of beloved anime stuff, very much centred around fandoms.
The ratio of shops to rides is very off balance. If you wanna go and buy loads of cute fan merch, you will love USJ. If you want to experience top of the range rides, you won't find that here. The park is very lacking when it comes to rides (at least it was for my visit with so much closed)
It's interesting to note that words I have used when describing my experience at USJ are: 'anxious' 'stressed' 'disappointed.' Which are not words anyone should be using to describe their (very expensive) experience at a world class theme park.
But yet, I'm sure I have used those words before...when talking about Walt Disney World. How crazy is it, that the most premium parks are offering some of the worst guest experiences.
How mad is it that I did so much research, put so much effort and money into this visit, and still had such a disappointing time. In this respect, USJ feels like the Linkin Park of theme parks:
"I tried so hard and got so far, but in the end, it doesn't even matter"
I dunno, maybe I'm not a Universal gal. Maybe I'm a Six Flags gal. See a big ride on some concrete, walk up to it, ride it, great. No timed entry. No hypnotising IPs. No interactive wristbands. No stress.
It's very odd to leave a theme park feeling like your adrenaline has not spiked even once. USJ has left me craving a good park with great rides. And our tour vehicle just drove past Nagashima Spa Land
Thanks for reading my USJ woes!
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