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Lol. Okay but didn't get much more than a slight smile. 6/10

Some random woman stopped me in the street today and started telling me a joke. It had all the ingredients of a good joke: child abuse; incestual rape; tears and suffering; but I didn't understand the punchline. Something about £2 a month?
 
7/10. I laughed a bit.

When Bird Flu arrived, people started killing a huge number of birds. Now that Swine flu is here, everyone is killing pigs. I can't wait for Goon Flu!
 
^8/10, best version of the joke I've heard so far.

"Wow, the wall clock nearly killed my mother!", the wife shouted. "She was sitting right below it, on the sofa, and three seconds after she got up, it fell down!"
"I've said it before", her husband replied. "That damn clock has always been a little slow"
 
8/10

I've got a few for you:

Making MJ jokes. Shamone all of us.

Lots of MJ jokes. Lots of immature arseholes. It's what he would have wanted.

Went to a karioke night but there was no 70's music. First I was afraid, then I was petrified.

MJ had bad DNA. Doctors call it the Billie Gene.
He may have dies inhaling dried mucus accidently, but doctors say it is too early to blame it on the bogey.
 
Urm 6/10 overal. There were a couple of decent ones but the others failed to be funny.

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem.

I have two female parrots,
But they only know how to say one thing.'
'What do they say?' the priest inquired.
They say,
'Hi, we're hookers!
Do you want to have some fun?'
That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed,
Then he thought for a moment.
'You know,' he said,
'I may have a solution to your problem.
I have two male talking parrots,
Which I have taught to pray and read the Bible.
Bring your two parrots over to my house,
And we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.
My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship,
And your parrots are sure to stop saying . ..
That phrase . . In no time.'
Thank you,' the woman responded,
'this may very well be the solution.'

The next day,
She brought her female parrots to the priest's house.
As he ushered her in,
She saw that his two male parrots
Were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.
Impressed,
She walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After a few minutes,
The female parrots cried out in unison:
Hi, we're hookers!
Do you want to have some fun?'
There was stunned silence.
Shocked,
One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot
And exclaimed,
'Put the beads away, Frank.
Our prayers have been answered!'
 
Meh 4/10


Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:

Dear Grand-daughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a
'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker ..

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a
thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting..

So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in
thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the
light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't
honked, I'd never have noticed..

I found that lots of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy,
and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of
God!'

'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking!

I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those
loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
;
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him
yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger
stuck up in the air.

I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.

He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window
and gave him the good luck sign right back.

My grandson burst out laughing.

Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that
they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is
when I noticed the light had changed.

So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on
through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection
before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave
them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the
Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.. Praise the Lord
for such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon,

Love, Grandma
 
^ 8/10 pretty funny.

Three nuns are in their church for confession. The first one goes into the room and says to the priest, "Forgive me father for I have sinned, I kicked a little boy, and I request to drink the holy water to wash away my sins." The priest says, "You are forgiven," and lets her drink the holy water. The second nun comes in and says, "Forgive me father for I have sinned, I stole something from a store, I request to drink holy water to wash away my sins." The priest says, "You are forgiven, you may drink the holy water." Finally, the third nun gos in and she's laughing. The priest says, "Now how have you sinned sister?" The nun keeps laughing as the priest starts to get annoyed. After 2 min., the priest finally gives up and says, "If you don't tell me what you did, you go to hell!!" So the nun calms down and says, "Ok fine, I peed in the holy water." I know crappy eh?
 
4/10
if computers hadent been invented a web would be some thing a spider made.
a hard drive is a long car journy.
and 3 and a half inch floppy is something you dont want anyone to know about. lol :bazooka:
:rambo:
 
Eww. Quite raised a smile though so 7/10

What's the difference between the Iceland volcano and Cheryl Cole?
The volcano is still blowing ash.
 
5/10. It caused a wry smile.

A man (lets call him Murry) is going home in a taxi when he remembers he's forgotten to go to the shop. He taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him to pull over. As he did this the driver shouts "HOLY ****!" and swerves the taxi off road, causing 3 other cars to crash, narrowly misses some pedestrians and finally the taxi comes to a stop when he strikes a lamp post.

"What was that?!" asks Murry, groggily.
"Sorry," said the driver, "I've only been in this job a week. I used to drive a hearse."
 
NICE 8/10 I actually lold so thats always good.

Little Susie falls off a swing....

because she didn't have arms.
 
3/10. Quite old to be honest.

I arrived at my driving test to find I had a woman driving instructor. I got in the car:
"Okay, let's just go over the basics, put your seatbelt on, adjusted your seat, check all your mirrors and then we can begin."

Apparently, I was patronising her
 
Nice, classic joke twist. give it a solid 7.

I got another for y'all.

A policeman pulls over a car that has been driving erratically. The policeman approaches the window and sees that the driver is non-other than local favourite, and known drinker, Paddy (not that this is an Irish joke ¬¬). The policeman rolls his eyes, "Alright, Paddy, how much have you drunk?"

"Only one!" protests Paddy. "I had to swerve out of the way of all those trees in the road!"
The policeman sighs... "Paddy, there are no trees, that's your ****ing Air-freshener!!
 
not funny

the person who posted this' joke is bad i give it a 2/10 so heres mine:

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.



The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”



The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”



There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “Okay, now what?”
 
^ You're supposed to rate the joke, not the person telling it. :roll:

Oh, and, I've heard it many times before, so 3-4/10.

Here's mine:

Canadians.
 
0/10.

I decided to sponsor a third world child.


As it turns out, he was too malnourished to finish the fun run, so I didn't pay him.
 
^Now that was awful. 9/10 :lol:


You're mom's vagina is so loose when you have sex with her it's like throwing a hot dog into the Grand Canyon
 
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